Within Myself

attempt at a rap verse

Sometimes I look in the mirror
and all I seem to see
is the scared little girl
looking back at me.
And she's searching for answers
to questions she can't find.
She's reciting her history
and analyzing the lines.
But she can't find nothing
cuz it's buried six feet under,
but she's trudged through the storms,
made her way through the thunder.
But she's still not happy,
still can't find any peace.
She looks inside herself,
she looks inside of me.
And yet I still can't comfort her,
she's too surprising and abrupt.
I can't gauge her reactions,
can't get one up.
Right when I think she's okay
she's sobbing and I can't see
the relationship between her
is the one within me.

Author's Note

My boyfriend told me to try to write a "rap song" so I attempted a verse. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

Good job! This is something to keep, a wonderful piece though just your first attempt to write a rap song. I admire your talent. Keep it up.

[nigrum homonculus]

you did that well! the ending packed a really good punch aswell. i say you keep writing in rap form. you seem pretty comfortable in it.

[kayla]

thanks

[Crazy Cat Man]

I picture Nicki Manaj rapping this :) pretty good so far......u should add 3 more verses and a hook :) then that would be better :D

[Tomi]

I love it! Well done!

[Panda]

I really liked it :D god knows I could never rap XD

"but she's trudged through the storms,
made her way through the thunder." I found that to be the strongest point of the song :) Keep it up! :D

[C.]

Very good and very relatable

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thoughts in the poem. There are some good rap romantic song. Orange Juice Jones rap song from the eighties is still one of my favorite. This is sad poem. To give life to rap. Must fight back. Thank you for the excellent poem
Coyote

[Cameron]

That's pretty cool. Coming from someone who doesn't like rap most times lol.