Jumbled Thoughts

another random, "need to get this off my chest", poem

Inside I feel like I'm closing in,

I'm folding within myself and unable to get out.

My heart feels hardened, darkened,

and I don't know if I can do this on my own anymore.

I don't think these symptoms will "go away",

I think they're here to stay because I don't know how

to get better and grow,

and I'm stuck, I'm frozen, and I'm scared.

I'm scared to become my own worst enemy,

to be the one thing I hate, but here I am

being so rude, so disrespectful, so aggitated;

no longer able to control my emotions, my actions;

impulsive and anxious and afraid.

I'm afraid to look inside myself and see the dark.

I'm afraid to look into my past and see my part.

I'm afraid to find help because

I don't know if I'm ready to change,

to be happy and whole and real again,

because I haven't felt that way in I don't know when.

I've tried for over a year to put the pieces back together,

but I still feel like a jagged puzzle,

and I think I'm ready to put up my white flag,

because as terrified as I am to get help,

I'm more terrified to keep going downhill,

terrified of what I'll find when I finally look up.

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[DJuan Thomas]

I do so love the image and idea of the white flag. That way that such a simple thing holds the power of the "'I-give-up!' sigh of relief." This poem is quite good, there is an almost uncomfortably person tone here that makes me feel (almost) like I'm looking somewhere I shouldn't be looking. It is maybe too much of a journal-type entry for my tastes, but it is really well written. The poetics of it shine.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

What do I think? I think your thoughts are very sincere and well described in this poem :) It's useless to point the large amount of pathos in such an introspective poem so let me get to a more personal criticism, I think these feelings are easy to relate to, the "Who the hell am I becoming" and the thoughts that come out of this, the feeling of "losing one's self", I can relate to it right now.
Great job =D

[Boy of the red]

This is really good. Keep writing your great :)