Traumatized Eyes

wrote this about a year ago.

Excitement enveloped me like a trench coat. I walked in confident, not scared one bit - I'm not scared of anything. A miracle was about to be performed, and I had waited twenty years for it.
The first sign - the money issue - didn't alarm me. I was ecstatic I had gotten so lucky! The second sign caused a couple of furrowed eyebrows, but I blew it off. No medicine? Well, maybe I didn't need it...
I needed it. She had no idea what she was doing! After the supposed-to-be-simple pictures, my face was a balloon. I couldn't believe it. I had been told by countless people that it didn't hurt at all. I hadn't even gone in for the surgery yet, and I was already crying.
My body was in shock when I laid down on the cold, steel table. No relaxers, no pain killers in my system, and surgery was beginning.
The icy, metal clamp was pressed into my swollen flesh all the way to my cheekbone and locked into place. My mind was racing; "Is this really happening?!" was my only thought. I was shaking from head to toe - my fear widening with his every move. He seemed to be in no hurry despite my black and blue face growing bigger and bigger every grueling second under the clamp's pressure. Body stiff as a board, eyes pried open, I lay there waiting for the suffering to be over.
But it only got worse. If I thought the first clamp was the worst part, I was proven wrong immediately. The second clamp was tiny, about the size of a dime. It fit inside clamp number one directly over my eyeball. The doctor pushed it down as hard as he could, it seemed, with his right hand into my face. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he put his flat left palm over his right fist that held the dime-sized clamp and put all of his weight on this horrifying tool placed over my swollen eyeball. A sharp pain shot through my body, my arms flew up, my vision left me as if someone had flipped the lightswitch. "Hands down! Hands down!" they all yelled. "I can't see anything! It's all black!" I hollered at them. They seemed alarmed by this with their tense movements and concerned whispers to each other, which further terrified me. It was going all wrong! It wasn't supposed to hurt! Not even a little bit!
This was the worst pain I'd ever experienced. "I can't believe this is happening...I can't believe this is happening..." - the only thought in my head.
I knew there was a light shining as bright as high beams an inch from my clamped open eyeball, but everything was black from the pressure of tiny, little clamp number two. I heard the doctor's concerned voice: "It's almost over. Just stare at the red light. Make sure you don't look away. Keep your eye on it."
"I CAN'T SEE IT!" I panicked. "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! IT'S ALL BLACK!"
He chose not to hear me, and I heard the machine come on. It was as loud as an eighteen-wheeler and right by my head; I could barely hear his countdown of the longest thirty seconds of my life. I could smell my most sensitive body part burning as if it was as unimportant as forgotten toast in my oven at home.
After the unbearable "3...2...1," the simple numbing drops were wearing off - too early I soon discovered; it wasn't over. He scraped my eyeball more than twenty times, and I could feel each one. When the clamps were removed, each mercilessly jumped into my swollen face before letting go. My eye was swollen shut, and I was officially in shock. That must be why I have no recollection of them doing the left eye, but I found out a few days later that it must have been much worse.
When I was through, I sat up, eyes swollen shut, face as big as a watermelon. There was no celebration, no smiles, no reading of the clock strategically placed on the wall. Everyone was tense while I sat on the steel table, legs hanging off, shoulders shaking from the uncontrollable sobs. There was no reason for the routine after-exam, no "how does it feel to be able to see?!" I just walked out crying, my mother guiding my way.
When I got home, everything was silent except for my sobs from behind my bedroom door all night. Expecting to see the sun shine like honey in a jar, instead I lay on the bed seeing only the backs of my cocoon-like eyelids. Like a photograph shut up in a locket, my eyes were being held prisoner.
Four days later I could raise my eyelids just enough to see my black and blue face and solid red eyeballs. The haze over my vision was so foggy that I still couldn't see anything more than a foot away.



A week later I could drive, and the bruises were gone, but my left eye stayed bloodshot for almost two months. Now I see the beautiful world through 20/20 vision, but what a great expense I had to pay. I guess I didn't get so lucky after all.


After note: This is a true story. The nurse from the beginning got fired for her mistakes during my surgery. This rarely happens, so if you're planning on getting lasik, don't hesitate. It is an life-changing miracle. It's really not supposed to hurt at all - just make sure they give you valium, morphine drops, ambien, and hydrocodone - I got nothing.  

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I remember this story.. I have heard so many horror stories bout this including people having worse vision then before the surgery even some blind but like all surgeries their are certain risks... you certainly ot very lucky my friend, glad to hear they fired the nurse though.

[Blue Sky]

The ordeal you went through
with your eye lasik, and
it's quite a story you shared,
yet you have written with quite excellently,
great piece, good to know of what's to be expected!
Glad you got your sight back, 20/20 for that matter!