You

You are my everything
My only thing
My heart feels new
It's filled with you
Please don't hurt
Wipe your tears on my shirt
Even through pain
Remember my name
You are a dove
My only love
Let me kiss your teared skin
Don't fear letting me in
Don't dim your light
You don't need to hide in my sight
Through every pain you carry
Let me carry too
This love is new
But its so real
Everything I want to feel

One day I hope you learn
It's love you have earned
Always deserving,
Where I want to be filling

Reviews

[Buddhistboy73]

Ah the vibrancy and electrcity of young love....:)

This is an emotional poem about the connections we can form under the influence of that spirit called love..:)

A few lines here felt a little "off", but overall I enjpyed this piece.....thanks for sharing...

BB73

[JayG]

First, I applaud your effort. The world needs more gentle crazies.

And of course, now comes “but,” which in this case doesn’t mean to disregard what was already said.

The problem is that you’re currently writing as you’ve been taught to, in an approach that’s fact-based and author-centric. So you, the author, are making one declarative sentence after another. That’s great for reports and essays, but useless for fiction and poetry because it's meant to inform, not entertain

Why does it matter? As data, presented with rhymes and addressed to an unknown person, what’s in it for the reader? Will they feel glad that someone they’ll never meet likes someone they don’t know? Or will they just say, “Uhh...okay,” and turn away?

As a poet you have a superpower—or will when you learn how to use it—to evoke any emotion you care to in the reader, by your selection and placement of words. And that’s why readers come to poetry. It’s to be made to feel and care, not become informed on the lives of strangers.

So, first, for a better understanding of metrical poetry, jump over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. You’ll learn things about language usage that you use but never noticed.

Then, read Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. You’ll love it. It’s filled with gems that will make you wonder why you never noticed them, without having to have them pointed out.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

[Melody]

Thanks but no thanks. This one was just a late night draft and I posted it because its of someone I love. I could change the wording but it was never for someone elses feelings anyways.