She and I

What you see in the mirror....

A look, a glance, life is full of inglorious happenstance

Oh, how slowly we have progressed

The painstaking time it took me to for forgive

I can’t fathom how long it will take to forget

 

God knows I’ve waited patiently for your love

But from deep within my heart the truth must part

You don’t want to be seen with me!

It’s a prodigal paradox that exists sourly within us

 

I want you

But I don’t

I keep thinking if I’m strong enough, thin enough or kind enough

Then you’ll finally love me

 

In case it’s not clear the battle I face is in the mirror

I stare at her every day

Sometimes for seconds

Sometimes for hours

 

Yet, she and I are not the same

Our reflection cast ripples upon the glass

I may see myself in the mirror

But she is always lurking in my shadow.

 

Where do our paths become one?

Shouldn’t they always be the same?

I cry for answers but it’s an attempt made in vane

She only stares back at me with beady eyed hate

 

An image frozen in time

A fat, dull girl, trapped in the mirror

She will never be the vibrant woman that I am

So WHY CAN’T I BREAK HER?

 

Because I can’t undo the past

She is made up of images plucked from my past and frozen in time

While I live in the present and yearn for what is yet to come

Parallel lives, the same, but never one.

 

She will never love me because I have all she never did

And I will always hate her because she is the darkness I cannot dissipate

And yet we are the same

She is the girl I use to be

 

And I am the woman she will never be

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated!

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

Wow . . . it might surprise you to know men go through this as well . . . I can relate completely, even though I'm a guy . . . the person I am now is nothing like the person I was as a youth, and it's always hard when people look at me and speak to me and they assume I had a much better, more exciting life than I really did. Then the hard part is talking my way out of it and dousing their fires without looking like a fool; it's never easy. Thank you for this poem

[Kaylor Mason]

And yes, I have a LOT of issues with my past self and present self, and how they clash; it's a major theme in my work . . . at least my future self only comes knocking in dreams a few times--I couldn't handle facing that one

[Kristin Lee]

No surprise at all. I have a figure in my life who has constantly struggled with his own body image issues. I am certain that his idiocincracies (sp) are where I gained mine from. Thank you for sharing that with me. It's important for people to understand that this issue crosses genders and time.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

very strong analysis, nicely written

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you. It is in our inner reflections that we often learn the most. so long as we are willing to see.

[Chris]

You expanded the thought well... an uncommon view.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you :)

[Frieda P]

Illuminating introspection. Scrutinizing one's physical appearance seems so prevalent with women, it's like another curse we deal with. Soul searching what our outer identity really represents can be overwhelming at best. Very clever and deep read.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you. When you spend a life time as the ugly duckling its hard not to. Even after losing 180 pounds I still keep asking, "who the hell is that woman in the mirror?" Cause the reflection I see doesn't jive with the reflections I harbor in my mind.

[Frieda P]

I've read that about women who lose a lot of weight, you really need to give yourself a lot more credit, that's no easy feat by a long shot. You know what, even the most gorgeous models don't look like themselves. If we all had a team working on us we'd still see that reflection in the mirror if we don't see our beauty from the inside.

[Kristin Lee]

Very true :)

[Frieda P]

;-)

[Jack...]

Wow, this was extreme and very well done. I think we all find that enemy lurking in our reflections. Very nice.

[Kristin Lee]

Very true! Men and women alike can all relate to the enemy in the mirror. Thanks Jack.

[icelandicblue]

Women are very critical of their physical selves. There is so much pressure to look a certain way and so many feel that they fall short. Melding our physical, emotional, and spiritual selves is sometimes an impossible task.

[Kristin Lee]

It may seem impossible, but it is always worth trying. However, we have to be willing to try. We can't put the effort in for anyone but ourselves otherwise it just breeds heartache, contempt and hate. And yes, I know this first hand. Thanks for reading and the inciteful review.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such a marvellous introspection laid out naked for all to see in flowing verses full of pathos filled words and phrases that evoke a range of feelings from anger to sorrow.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you. Body image is always a tough one!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is a very powerful write. Self image and body image are very difficult things to tackle. What we see in ourselves is often not what others see in us...what to the outside is beautiful, to us looks distorted. I like the last two stanzas the best, they really sum things up for me and bring a sort of culmination to the insanity. We cannot undo the past...we can only work on the future.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you! yes body image is a tough one. after losing 180 pounds its hard to reconcile the girl in the mirror some times :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Wow, what an accomplishment! That is fantastic and something that should be shared and celebrated. But I do understand what you mean. I had issues with this when I was younger...had a therapist who asked me to draw what I thought my outline was on a mirror and then showed me my actual outline and it astonished me. haha I blame all those damned tiny models who look sick half the time.

[B-poet]

I love the message and the theme you've blended into one riveting poem here. You find a woman whose still seen like her past image within the mind of her man, yet she's changed physically and wrestingly with the fact that he won't acknowledge her as his girlfriend because of her tainted past. They say love is a battlefield and you've proved that here very clearly. Great write. I'm adding this to my library. :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you. That's a great perspective and I'm glad you liked it!

[ChemicalMadness]

This is clearly a very personal write...the emotion of your struggle shines through. It's tough to critique pieces like this, simply because of the personal attachment. I would suggest maybe doing away with "in case it's not clear...", as it isn't necessary and disrupts the flow somewhat. Overall, I think you've got a lot to work with here...just some refining here and there and you should have this nicely tightened up.

CM.