The Empty Dance Shoes

And she danced herself to death~

I know a girl who frolics her mansion's marble floors;

tapping ebony shoes alone beneath the glinting moonlight:

she dances and dances until her stomach grows sore;

and even then she would dance away her might.

Masking a slender frame and a battered sole (soul);

mending bruised skin with layers of shredded leather:

she unknowingly capered about her precarious role

while she dehumanized reality into a mere feather.

Indeed she was a feather who wanders and drifts;

a prim twig whirling and twirling behind locked doors;

starving for taste yet fed by empty bliss;

and the darling feather could fit her shoes no more.

Across the gardens one day she had danced;

seeking silence but finding heaven instead:

for she had sauntered into the light of Hades' trance;

and the grave joyously swallowed her dread.

I once knew a girl whose stomach was always sore;

yet she would dance and dance with all her might:

her hollow shoes still frolic the marble floors;

worn by her corpse whirling beneath the glinting moonlight.

Author's Note

Not sure if I like this or not . . . Opinions?
Photo courtesy of Nerdgurl17 on Devian Art.

Reviews

[Extant]

I'm not sure why, perhaps it's my own mood, some external force, but I'm not in love with this . . . Usually I would be. At this time that is all I have to say.

[Caradoc]

When reading this piece the word ethereal comes to mind. It painted a picture in my head of a dancing whisper thin waif at the center of a hedge maze under the moonlight. The ending is awesome, leaving the reader with a sense of having just read a ghost story.

For the most part I like the rhyme scheme and your word choice. The use of Hades gives you points in my book, especially with mixing it in with an ode to the kidnapping of Persephone. Greek myth is very interesting to me. Of course my favorite part is the last stanza when you bring it all together. A girl you used to know...

Excellent write.

-Caradoc

[Tai Ryens]

The kidnapping of Persephone! That is where I had the urge to write of the fourth stanza that way! It was just lying on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't exactly single out what moment of Greek mythology I had been inspired from. I thank you kindly for pointing this out.

[Caradoc]

You're most welcome. It is always nice to know where one derives inspiration from.

[Rhea752]

I like this a lot. this is so emotional and so well written. but what's funny was when i got your read request there were like 3 more right underneath it talking about death as well. :P

[Tai Ryens]

Death follows death indeed.

[Rhea752]

Only you would reply with that comment. Let it be known I am rolling my eyes :P

[Tai Ryens]

My praise is yours for predicting my mind.

[Baby Ricochet]

That hit home Tai. I don't know if you read "A letter to Ricochet's real life X wife" but if you did you know why this hits home for me. To me this poem's about her.

[Tai Ryens]

I think I missed that, my apologies. And I am glad this had an emotional impact on you.