Ashes

From the ashes

My soul shall rise

Splintered among millions

Of burnt specks of dust

Left to ascend

Wherever the ash may fall

And wander the places

Wind may glide them through

Until the fragments of my soul

Are linked together once more

Author's Note

Decided to try a new form of writing. Be harsh with your reviews please; I could seriously use the constructive criticism.

Reviews

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Indicates the way you percieve yourself in the vast paramtars of the planet, concise with a meta-conscious, and astonishingly mature approach, given that you are at an adolecent phase in life. A complimentary rather than a patronising last comment I hope.

[Kristin]

Its really good, but it could use a few more or less words to help the flow :)

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

From the ashes

My soul shall rise

Splintered among millions

Burnt specks of dust

Left to ascend

Wherever the ash may fall

Wandering to places

Wind may carry them through

Until the fragments of my soul

Link together once more


Just suggestions .. I like your work ..

Jasmine .. x

[Michael G.]

Can't be harsh here, Ryan. Well written, solid thought behind the content, and the poem flows pretty well.
Looks solid to me. Well done.

[Alm]

Why be harsh? I love anything to do with rebirth. It's some weird Asian thing with Phoenixes, I swear. The last four lines are my favorite. It gives a sort of idea to me that the fragments of a soul do not only truly rest in one place but in many. The places where memories happen, or something like that. And it takes all of this to make a soul whole once more.

Eh, criticism, but not really--I guess it's just me, cause it never bothers others, and I do it a lot also--I guess un-capitalizing some first letters will make the flow better.

Good job, exploring new forms is fun :) Keep writing!

-Alm