Pile the lies

I tell you what you want to hear,
But what you don't know won't kill you, right?

I don't tell you how many times
I lie awake at your house, crying myself to sleep.
You don't know
The countless times I cut myself,
While in your prescense.

And you yell at me,
For what you barely even know.
I just want you to be happy,
That's all I ask for.

But every time I try to tell you,
All you do is puch me away
And make fun of me.

I know that you're not good for me,
But I just can't stand the fact
Of loosing my best friend.

I wonder,
Am I good for myself?