A Winter Night

Stillness fills the meadows near.
Nothing heard but passing deer.
Flakes of snow fall peacefully,
And wind in fancy filigree.

 Flurries whirl in storms of white,
They twirl and dance throughout the night.
They wrap the trees in frozen wisps
And turn them all to solid crisps.

 And while children, in their beds,
All cozy warm with no regrets,
Are sleeping soundly in the night,
Their parents worry about their plight.

 With winter here and no bread found,
Will they make it through unharmed?
Worried whispers prolong the night,
While snow falls in sheets of white

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

could get rid of the "they" in line 7 and the "and" in line 9 and it would actually help the rhythm---

but this reminds me much of Frost...the mix of nature and melancholy---the uncertainty he often expressed in his work.

i am not a rhyme fan at all...but this one caught my eye with the naturalness of the sound...the rhyme seemingly unforced.

nice piece

jacob

[Lillian Starr]

thank you for the suggestion!

[icelandicblue]

I feel your chill. It's cold up here! Nice poem.

[TLK]

Good flow and rhyme.
I would look again at lines 6 and 7, and also 8 and 9. The repetition of the first words sticks out at me.

'solid crisps' is a bit bold, considering the ephemeral nature of the 'wisps' of snow... but the jarring element of the language might have been what you want to go for. There is a clear transition from the cheery Christmas scene to the worries of a long, slow, dying Winter.

[Lillian Starr]

Thanks for your feedback :)