vent two.

Let's start from the beginning. The VERY beginning. My first serious boyfriend was Miles Kirkley. The biggest a*****e I have ever met in my life. He stole my heart. I was head over heels for him. And he cheated on me so many times its not even funny. I'd say at least ten. He had used me, lied to me, and taken advantage of me. I was weak. Then, once I finally got the guts to dump the loser, he goes totally psycho on me. After the two months of hell I went through with him, I finally was single. I dated guys on and off, but nothing as serious he was. It seemed as if every guy I ahd possibly even given a chance to had taken advantage of it and fucked me over. I've been cheated on more times than anyone can imagine. I really have seen it all. Try any excuse and I promise I've heard it. I finally got fed up on August 25th, 2008. I gave up. When I reached that point, I went depressed. It was the first day of my last year in high school. How sad is that. I was always mad or sad. I had this all around hatred towards everything. My best friend had just left for college, and yet another guy had screwed me over. I felt so alone in this world full of people. Then I discovered who my friends were. Who the people that really mattered were. They showed me the positive side of things, && not much alter, I felt back on top. I was happy, happiest I have ever been. I felt invinsible. Giving up was the best thing I had ever done. I ahd recently ran into my childhood sweetheart, Jesse. We exchanged numbers && hit it off extremely well. To make a long story short, he's my boyfriend as of November 12th. Twelve is my lucky number, and has been for years. He's everything I want in a guy. I can trust him. He's sweet and he cares. he always tries to make me happy. He is one of the reasons I'm so happy! So I finally reach this totally satisfied point, and it doesn't last for long at all. All this bullshit happens with my mom, and school, and friends. I blow it off, but it all adds up. Tonight, I randomly broke down. I just feel so stupid. Its like now that I actually have a decent boyfriend, I don't really know what to do. If that makes any sense. I wanna be the perfect girlfriend, well not perfect but close, and I don't know how to do that. There are just little incidents where I just freeze. And I feel so stupid. But thats the least of my problems. Now I'm tired of venting and I'm going to bed. I kinda like this whole thing. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Reviews

[marcusami]

youre not alone. love and life are confusing. “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
― Bruce Lee

im not religious but the quote makes its point. im glad your boyfriend makes you happy, and hes nice. dont let that fade. at the same time i hope you know you have the strength in you and you dont have to depend on bfs to hold you above water.