Light in the Darkness

"And God said, "Let there be light."

“God said, ‘Let there be light;’

and I was born.”

 

I have said this for years,

not really thinking much about it,

certainly not thinking of myself as a light,

but saying it because

a sense of humor

has gotten me through some of the

toughest times in life.

Fake it until you make it.

 

When love becomes hate

and a mother becomes a monster

and a father burns the bridge too far,

collapsing under the weight of infidelity,

light naturally slips through the cracks,

at least that’s what Rumi says.

 

The family tree was burned and scarred,

branches scattered here and there

with no clasping in between.

Truth was choked out and hidden

behind walls of obfuscation

like ivy consuming an abandoned home.

 

Flowers grew through cracked pavement

reaching for the light,

often trampled under the weight

of heavy souls without direction

but soles steadily moving,

looking to hide behind

the jagged edges

of a mirror without reflection.

 

But I really was that light

in the darkness.

 

My mother used to be a light,

snuffed out by hands of abuse.

She never learned to shine again.

 

A son was born

and given away,

a whisper ~ ~ ~

Michael Christopher.

 

A second spark was lit -

vanquished,

stilled,

quiet -

a miscarriage,

a curse or a blessing.

You decide.

 

My father used to be a light,

vanquished by parents lost too soon

and a feeling of being unloved.

He never learned to shine again,

a rebel.

 

Both of them found each other

in the darkness

hoping for the light,

but neither stood a chance.

 

And I was born.

 

My sister was born.

 

My mother fell into the arms

of my father’s best friend.

They both fell into a bed of contrition,

and my father witnessed the fall

of ashes around him,

the ruin of his marriage.

Everything burned to the ground.

 

At twenty-three, he left,

immersed himself with night,

drove himself into the oblivion

of a tall tree,

the impact

snapping his neck.

 

My mother continued to lay

in the bed she had made.

 

A third daughter was born.

 

With each new soul,

the light seeped through.

The darkness hovered round.

 

I can’t speak for the other two,

but the darkness almost drowned me out.

 

I was a portal to promise,

light shining through the keyhole

of a dark door slammed shut

against the sight of a brighter tomorrow.

 

I shined,

determined to turn away from the dark.

 

I shine,

despite the cracks and flaws.

 

One day,

my light will burst through the cracks

completely.

 

My wings will press downward

and backward,

and I will soar higher and higher

until I burst through

the clouds

into the bright light of heaven

from which I came,

to which I will return.

 

“God said, ‘Let there be light,’

and I was born.”

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chrissie Muldoon]

Holy sh*t. Wow.

... I mean.... just wow.

I don't know if this is a fiction or a personal testimony (I don't need to know either way), but it really is such a glorious tale of suffering and familial trauma, yet trying to be more than what that trauma dictates.
I do find an immense beauty in people being truthful and vulnerable in their suffering, but also doing their best to be the final link in the chain of brokenness. From where I stand, it isnt the well packaged, 'sunshine and cornflakes' hope that is often given to us by Hollywood and well-being influencers... it's real, vulnerable, human endeavor to strive, fail, try harder, fail harder, but getting up every damn time because you know that you will not be defined by this, you will not be beaten.
As the singer Bruce Coburn says, 'kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight...'

Honestly, this is just fantastic. Thank you so much for gifting this to the world xo

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Thank you, Chrissie for such a meaningful and thoughtful review. I have not visited the Cafe in a long while so just read your review. I am humbled. This poem is woven from the truth that is my life, and I am glad that it touched you. Thank you so much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

A constant light shines through the darkness of this poem...the speaker finds something that pulls her through so many tragedies. It is her strength of character and conviction. And much understanding that people are human and error...that does not condone much of what they do or cause...but it sheds light into the darkness of it all.
j.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Thank you, Jacob. We each have our own journey, good and bad. I believe, or hope, that it makes us stronger.

[emipoemi]

I've been so used to you expertly crafting a profound and powerful tale in rhyme, laced with rich and mystical (even whimsical) language that dares be spoken aloud, that this free verse masterpiece came as a surprise! Granted, I too was a rhymer that now branches eclectically into free verse too whenever the occasions arise, so I had no doubt about the ability, but the result of what to me is your first just leaves me 😱. As much as I loved the progression of everything, I do have to admit I didn't fully understand the connection of the couple of stanzas between the mother and father being lights. They seemed rightly placed in the progression and they add to the already established brilliance, but just couldn't figure out whether they referred to the mother, the father, or both respectively (maybe I need to read it again.....). But hooooly mole! What a poem! What a piece! Just marvellous! Well done!

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Oh my goodness! It is such a pleasure to see you. It seems like it has been years, and I honestly thought you had abandoned the Writers' Cafe for greener pastures. I hope that you are doing well.

As for any confusion, my apologies for that. As far as my mother goes, she was abused/molested by her stepfather. The result was the birth of her son, Michael Christopher, whom she put up for adoption. The second child (not sure of the father) was lost due to a miscarriage. Both of my father's parents died when he was a young boy. He was raised by an older brother but never felt that he was loved, so he rebelled against everything. I think each and every one of us is born a light. Such terrible things happening in life, however, can dim that light. This was the case with both of my parents. Hope this helps explain things a little better for you. So good to see you again!

[emipoemi]

Yeah, like I said, I may have had needed to read it again to understand the full progression. Still love it!

I agree that we are all born lights that dim when not allowed to shine the way we feel we need to shine. Kind of getting that feeling a lot these days (especially during Covid). Haven't been seen as the light I could be and just feeling euy....

I actually disappeared from here because all my closest friends on here had disappeared without a trace and nothing was really bringing me back. Had the thought to see what was going on and found a few people did return so I'm slowly coming back myself. Good to see you're still kicking around.

[Sami Khalil]

A most touching poem with your joyful birth then the hardships your family went through; you kept a strong, healthy and hopeful outlook regardless of all these tragedies. You should be commended. You are a light indeed, and hopefully you stay bright for all years to come.
Hang in there; we all have our stories.
I salute you for the courage it took to share.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Thank you, Sami. It is what it is. I cannot undo what has been done. I can merely go forward into the future and hope for the best.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! So true and well articulated. You are welcome

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

this is a really powerful poem other than saying that I am left speechless by the family tragedies you expressed in this poem

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Thank you. Unfortunately, it's all true and a part of my journey.