Far Away Within

Far away within; a poem within a poem.

When my thoughts are drifting (Love is never ending,
like the waves out to sea,) and you will never know
I find myself yearning (the warmth of dancing flames
for the one I left behind.) from time's immortal fire.
Forgotten memories (Bound to you forever,
always bring you to me;) I never let you go.
and I see you again, (Like the sun's sacred glow,
though time would make me blind.) I burn with sweet desire.

Do not tempt a temptress, (I dream in shades of night,
who cannot live a lie.) as I hold back the tears,
Light wins over darkness, (remembering your touch
though we hunger for sin.) that set my soul aflame.
The world keeps revolving. (But you will never know
Blue azure paints the sky;) the haunting of the years,
and I burn for your touch (nor the sheltering wall
when far away within.) that was built in your name.

Never to love again, (So how can I forget
lonely but not alone,) the times I walked on air,
I am lingering yet (the love that gave me wings,
with endless devotion.) the joy of skin on skin?
I walk in the shadows (I am yours forever,
I've learned to call my own,) be it cruel or fair.
and I embrace the pain (I live in loving you
that comes with emotion.) so far away within.

Reviews

[Abdul Aziz]

First, I'll really have to applaud you for the structure! This is really deep. There are layers upon layers, upon layers. Truly mindboggling.
The first thing I noticed was the unique rhyme scheme without separating the sentences in parantheses from the sentences outside them. The second and sixth lines, and the fourth and eighth lines of each stanza rhyme. Then, separating them, the rhyme scheme becomes tighter, and closer. If I consider both poems to be a series of quatrains, the rhyme scheme becomes abab. From a technical standpoint, this is great! I've never ever thought of writing something like this. The meter, though a tad inconsistent at places, lends a fluidity to the poem rarely seen nowadays.
I do not know what this poem within a poem symbolizes. To me, it seems to be a conversation with the soul. We rarely are at peace with ourselves. I think this is a soul reaching out to itself. It also looks like words said over the backdrop of more words. By two different people. The sentences in parantheses, though not negating the sentences written before them, offer some point of counter thought, I guess. It is not obvious, but I somehow feel there is some sort of such connection. I am really curious about this. Could you please explain?
I find myself disagreeing with Dinesh (sorry mate). The collision of these two poems has indeed resulted in another work of art.
Your poems truly are amazing. You are extremely talented. I definitely stand to learn a lot from you!
100/100

[Chris]

I like the flow of both and the ties that weave throughout.

[Steve]

Very sweetly written.......i loved this.

[Liza]

there's so much strength in this vulnerability
I sense the longing yet the holding on
this dedication empowers
when the physical decision is to let go
yet still carry on the genuine emotion of it all

[David Lewis Paget]

Quite a revolutionary format from one with a questing, original mind. Your intensity is quite disturbing at times, for I know what depths are reflected here, your conscious self communing with the spirit, which, in turn, restores from the depths memories of both love and pain. Remarkable.

[Undying Glory]

wow man this is really unique, doubt much people have ever thought of something like this before, let alone write anything like this. i found this really beautiful and sweet work, and very lovely. this is just my opinion though, i think it would have been better if each line of the intertwining poems was written on separate lines. while as it is, everything intertwines really well, there may be some who might get caught up in everything. anyway this was freaking brilliant work. awesome

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

very powerful Passionate and lota fire in this piece i love it Thank you for sharing great work

[Pax Analog]

Exquisite, as I've come to expect from you. Conjures the feeling of a fine French romantic film, the parenthetical lines counterpointing the rest, like a whispery subtext of thoughts 'neath utterances, or a duet of voices, or, as you say, a poem within a poem.

And if you recall the astro-poetics, dearest, the Piscean pain of love is felt by yours truly's lunar receptor, achingly.

[R E Tree]

Remarkable and inspiring. The poems structure doesn't bother me in a negative way, I have never seen a poem written like this before. From reading the first stanza it creates a fiery tone and it makes the reader feel directly spoken to. This is carried out through the rest of the poem making it sound beautiful and amazing. Thanks for sharing

[Cristal Bridges]

This is lovely. Almost as if being burned with fire which seems to be a theme in this poem. As others have said the structure of this poem is supremely unique and I love that it seems to be a kind of going back and fourth kind of ditty. It's great that you have made it seem like two people as if violin and piano are speaking to each other. Beautiful :)

[FlawedByDesign]

Wow!
If there is to be a one of a kind, this is it. Only a true genius would ever think of something lie this and you my fair lady are it :)
At this point I will do no more than agree with RhymingReactivated, as he is so prolific and well spoken with his reviews - hehe.

This is a gem of all gems I got to say :)