born again

and again

into expectation 

from pleasure 

we find shadow

as the light fades

we see reality

clearly as passengers

enveloped by darkness

burning a candle

long across distance

we fade away quietly

into the shadows

slowly understanding

time it always stretches

life it always fades

from expectation

it is how we are made

Author's Note

Reviews

[Elise Anton]

Perfectly circular yet undulating...

[Davidgeo]

Ya don't mess with the roos

[Dale Pavolko]

Hey Davidgeo,

I really like the meditative mood you’re going for; there’s a contemplative, almost cyclical feel that reminds me of trying to grasp something big and slippery like time or rebirth. The repetition of “again” and the fading-light motif give it a quiet, hypnotic pulse.

If you’re open to a couple of gentle suggestions to make it hit even harder:

1. Ground us in one or two concrete images. Right now everything stays in the realm of concepts (shadow, light, candle, distance). Even a single specific detail (the smell of the candle wax, the texture of the darkness in a particular room, the sound the match makes) would anchor the abstractions and make the philosophical parts feel earned instead of floating.

2. Let the line breaks do more work. Some of them feel arbitrary and actually interrupt the flow. Reading it aloud might help you hear where a pause would add tension or where holding the line longer would build more weight.

3. The circular structure is cool in theory, but the final “it is how we are made” lands a little flat for me. If the poem is going to return to “expectation,” maybe twist it just slightly so we feel we’ve traveled somewhere instead of standing exactly where we started.

[Davidgeo]

Please refrain from using AI to review my poetry. Use your own thoughts, your own words... be your own person.

[ETERNITY]

Human nature. We want. We get. Then we regret...Unless it leads to bigger and better...which we ultimately tire of. It's a fucked up never ending cycle of circular s**t.

[Dale Pavolko]

I guess you are going to tell me that this poem has random line breaks to simulate the mood no stanza because that’s is the representation
Of the forever ride we are taking into the darkness and you are being vague and cliched to represent a faceless eternity.
It is very hard to read your work
The summation is something a nerdy 15 year old would make. The entire poem is just mostly telling, vague telling and the candle in the darkness line is as old as fire. That’s a 15 second freehand summation of your work
Honestly your poem was hard to read and left me with an exasperated shrug. Turn the telling into imaginary and tried to come up with a new way to represent your lonely existence on this planet

[ETERNITY]

Are YOU talking to ME? I'm saying what I want to say. Just as the AUTHOR is saying what HE wants to say. BUKOWSKI was FAMOUS for speaking his mind as fucked up as it was. Give advice if you think it can be assistance for the write or shut the f**k up. IDC

[Davidgeo]

Ha, that sounds like you are using Grok in "vulgar roast" mode. Ha, nice.

[ETERNITY]

Davidgeo You know me better than that. I don't need fake bullshit. I have my own mouth.

[ETERNITY]

OH! a compliment! I thank you, Sir!

[Dale Pavolko]

You are delusional I have been writing poetry since high school English in the 70’s
I have been on this site since 2008. I was posting on elite skills before that. I have actually been to poetry workshops. Ones who taught how to write helpful critiques. In other words I have been, writing, reading, and critiquing poetry longer than you have been alive.

[ETERNITY]

I beg your Presidential pardon. Then WHY are you on a site prepared for the "less than contributing"? I dated the StoryMaster when he was creating this site. Your reputation precedes you, sir, always in everything. Why am I here? I've been a bad girl.

[Davidgeo]

Dale, you sound angry. Let it go man. Listing your "credentials" in moments like these don't have the effect that you think it does. It's kind of cringey and smells a little desperate.

[Davidgeo]

I do think you're right though Dale, your critique is valid.