Ode to Bugsy

You are the apple of my eye.

I am the oyster, you are the pearl.

I am a sister, you are the brother.

I am the sun, you are the world.

I miss you as you watch me from the sky,

but you'll always be in my heart.

Reviews

[Emmy]

Awww. Love the comparisons.

[Angel's Lady]

I am the oyster, you are the pearl. - Wonderful lines!

Very beautiful tribute!

[Emily Rose]

I think I know what you're trying to get at here, but the different metaphors you use are a little confusing. I think it would make more poetic sense if you changed your metaphors a little, particularly the one involving the dog and the flea. I think you're trying to go for a positive message here, but relationship between a dog and a flea is not symbiotic: the flea feeds off of the dog. Technically the pearl/oyster relationship is like this too: a pearl is formed when a grain of sand or some other irritant is trapped in the oyster's shell and the oyster forms a coating around the irritant to protect itself, so it's not a very symbiotic relationship either. These one-way, parasitic relationships detract from your ultimate message, which I think you intend to be a little more upbeat, judging by the last line. (Sorry to be so picky - I'm a pretty tough critic.) You have some good idea, though. Keep writing!

[ABBY]

this was really good..............i really really loved the part about "i am a dog, you are a flee." that made me laugh good job

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

As with the other ode, uncomplicated - says what it means - simple and well structured. Good work.

[Teenage poet]

I love the fact that you compare yourself to a dog. That is such rich irony. The fact that you compare the girl you love to a flea though???? Not exactly romantic. But still very joyous.

[Tuff Stuff]

Teary.
WONDAS OF JOY.
Toodles!

[Mintwhiskers]

tears lovely wonderful