I'm still nice

I'm not normal. I never claimed to be. I've been deemed an outcast since I started breathing. The ugly duckling since kindergarten started. I've been treated different since before I could even speak. I never cared, never stood up for myself. What was the point? If they would be mean, telling them they were hurting my feelings would only make it worse. I've been pushed around, held back by someone else's bad life. I let people degrade me and damage my self-esteem. I let people act as if they're better than me. I let them yell, hit, lie, tease. I've asked myself the same question since I first experienced bullying: Why does being different mean being treated poorly?

In Kindergarten, I had one kid who would constantly push me down slides, and off swings. He'd throw mulch at me, and call me piggy. I'd look in the mirror everyday, 5 years old, asking why I couldn't be skinny. Why my body was the way it was. I would tell everyone about it, my mom, the school, my grandma, my aunt, my grandpa. I was always told the same two things: "You're just different, and kids don't understand that,", "He likes you."

While I was concerned about why the kid that liked me treated me so poorly, I heard the word "different" once more. I didn't get it. I asked my mom how I was different, why I was different, and how to change. She always told me that I have a few more quirks than most kids. Said it was something with my brain or something. She told me to never change. I went back to school and apologized to the boy for being different and he laughed at me.

As I grew older, I changed myself to fit in. I stopped being so loud, stopped sharing my odd interests, said my favorite animal was a cat, my favorite color was pink. I wore leggings and tight t-shirts, hoping guys would like me like they did all the other girls. 

I found myself hating life, how I acted, how I dressed, all my 'interests'. I didn't understand why I hated it so much. The bullying went away...yeah, okay, I still got bullied, it was less severe, and I got friends. Yet, now that I wasn't happy, I didn't want any of it anymore.

In 5th grade, I realized I didn't care what people thought of me. I changed how I dressed. I let my clothes get bagger, shorter, darker. I raise my voice when I get excited, share all my interests, make weird jokes. I still don't stand up for myself but I ignore everyone. It doesn't matter what those people think because I found my people who are different, and I love them. Marie, Kk, Aus, Ethan, Austin, Abby, Carmen, Jordyn, Izzy. I love them all. 

I might be different but I'm nice, and even if others aren't, I have everyone I need to help me ignore all of them.

Reviews

[Marie Kinnett]

Love this, really is good.
Continue to be you :)

[Elli🦝]

Thank youuuu!

[Marie Kinnett]

your welcome