Travis Phelps

If you are playing/watching Sally Face and you have not made it past the bathroom scene or even to High School episode, this is spoilers.

"But I know these feelings are wrong. It's not the way a boy should feel. Shame swallows me whole."

First time I read this letter, I immediately knew what kind of character Travis Phelps was, how he felt. I knew I related to him more than I should've.

I reread the letter, listened to him cry to Sal in the bathroom. I listened as he tried to push Sal away, keep him from getting in. He never fully spoke about his feelings, never showed too much. He took the feelings, the insecurity keeping him from showing his true self, and turned them into anger towards Sal, and his friend group.

I watch him eat his lunch alone, the only time he's at peace. The only time he can think about life. He'll get caught staring at Sal in class, yelled at to keep his eyes on his own paper.

He'll get disgusted by the way he's feeling. Claim that boys shouldn't feel this way for other boys. It's against all that he believes. Against his father's rules. He'll write about it, toss it in the trash, hide in the bathroom stall because boy shouldn't cry, especially not where other boys can see. 

He's only 15, still discovering himself, which is what he should focus on when he isn't busy with school or religion, but he has to be straight. If he feels for a boy what he should feel for girl, he can't bring it up to anyone. Keep it to himself because no one should know the priest's kid was a freak. 

He'll convince himself that the only reason he felt that way was because he looked like a girl. He wouldn't do any of that with him if he had shorter hair, and if he was a bit taller...would he?

No, he doesn't need to question it. The answer should be definite.

He'll go home, clean and make sure his homework is done. He'll pray before he eats, before he sleeps. He's ask god to forgive him for his sins, ask why he had to be queer, why he couldn't just love a woman. 

He'll die knowing he couldn't tell anyone how he truly felt. He'll die feeling he had no one to go to when he needed help. He'll die knowing he wouldn't take Sal's offer up on being his friend because he knew where it would've led. 

Author's Note

Okay guys, last one for today (more than likely)