Dear Mom

Dear mom, I wish I were good enough for you. I wish you had a better childhood. I wish you would listen to me. I wish you had found someone who truly loved you.

Dear mom, I can't handle the yelling. The screaming and the fighting. The hitting and the crying. I wish we were normal. I wish I didn't have to yell for you to listen to me. I wish you could just understand that I'm not in the best state. I wish you could understand you're slowly losing your babygirl.

Dear mom, I'm not 9 anymore. I understand simple concepts. I can take care of myself when I'm out. I don't need to be constantly watched. I need my own room because sharing that tiny room with two kids is hard. I can lock my door when I'm getting dressed. I don't need constant reminders.

Dear mom, I'm tired. I can't take it. Getting up early every morning and struggling to go to sleep at night. Getting up and watching your kids as if I were there mom. I'm tired of getting yelled at for the smallest of things. I'm tired of your husband making fun of me when I clean and I'm already in a bad mood. I'm tired of him claiming I'm not his daughter and then acting like he can boss me around like he's my dad.

Dear mom, I need to go to the doctor's, and dentists. I need my eyes checked, my ears. I need medicine for anxitey and ADD. I need to understand what's wrong with me. I need someone to talk to. Someone who'll listen.

Dear mom, I wish you wouldn't defend people who bully me. I wish you would yell at your son when he insults me, whether it's my looks, or weight. I wish you would get on your husband, who thinks he can pick on me until I cry and make up by giving me money. I wish you wouldn't tell me I wouldn't be bully if I stood up for myself, but whenever I do, you tell me I sound stupid and laugh at me.

Dear mom, I wish you would read this. I wish you wouldn't claim that nothing was wrong and I'm being dramatic. I wish you would be honest with everyone about how he actually treats me. I wish you would let me be a teenager instead of having me act like a grown woman while I'm only 15. I wish you would treat me how you treat them. 

Dear mom, I love you but I wish you weren't my mom.

Author's Note

Before anyone even says I'm ungrateful or that I'm dramatic, my step-dad treats me like I'm his daughter only when it's benefiting him, he hits me, and then randomly tried to parent. My mom has been like this since I was born and has admitted that she would leave me behind in a heartbeat if it meant making my dad happy. No, I'm not dramatic, I've been treated like a grown woman since I was old enough to reach the sink, and I'm treated worse than all of my other siblings.

Reviews

[Curly Grace]

Elli, your words carry so much honesty and quiet strength. You’re not dramatic... you’re telling the truth of what you’ve lived, and you express it with a clarity far beyond your years. I’m sorry you’ve had to hold so much on your own. You deserve care, rest, and the chance to be fifteen. Thank you for sharing this piece; it’s brave in a quiet way.

[Elli🦝]

Thank you so much

[Curly Grace]

You're welcome, Elli.
I, too, know of things you speak...

http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Bookends/3121374/

[Marie Kinnett]

Elli, I know this feeling. That your mom doesn't care, choosing the guy over her kids. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but it gets worse before it does. I had to leave for her to change. I know you're not being dramatic or ungrateful, it's your mom not realizing the amazing kid she has. For your mom it's her fault not anyone else. For your stepdad, he needs to know that he can't push you around. I believe in you and that you can talk to me anytime.
- Love Marie

[Elli🦝]

Thank you, Marie, I love you

[Marie Kinnett]

Anytime Elli