Z.M.M

Maybe someday, we'll get in contact again. It'd be awkward at first, then soon turn into flowing conversation as we both talk about how life went after we parted. I'd tell you everything and you'll understand. You always did. You always will. You'll tell me what you thought the reason for us to not talk anymore was, and I'll tell you that it's wrong because there was no good reason for me. Things will go back to how it was, because we both know they should've never changed.

Until then, I'll sit in my room and stare at your name in my messages. I'll go back and read everything, apologize for it. I'll message your friends and ask how you're doing, just for them to never answer. I'll stare at the photos I never deleted, and talk to my friends about you. I'll talk about your cat, how funny you were, your laugh. I'll mention the One Piece obsession, how Luffy always reminded me of you because you said you were hungry way too often. I'll wonder if you ever finished the Sally Face playthrough you watched for me, and if you did, I'll wonder what you thought of it.

I'll dream and daydream about what could've been. I'll shake my head when someone mentions your name, knowing I wasn't disappointed with you like how you think I am. I'll think about how you'd react to finding out the real reasons I left you, not because I needed space, or because I didn't like something about you. Three Days Grace plays in my ears and I'll think about the time you ranted about how much you loved their music, how you had every song on your playlist, how you dedicated some of the songs to me.

I wonder if you still think of me. If you moved on by now. I hope you're doing well and you aren't mad at me. I miss when you'd tell me that you were listening when everyone would talk over me, I miss you telling me which cat jumped on your desk or bed when I couldn't tell, I miss the way you cheered me up when I was obvious down, and how quick you were to notice me get quiet. I miss your voice and the way you'd never yell at me no matter how mad you got. I miss your name popping up in my notifications every morning, and how you'd say goodnight no matter how annoyed you were with me. I miss you, and how sweet you were. I miss your face, and your vocabulary. I miss how quick you were to defend anyone you actually liked, no matter who you were defending them against. I miss you so much it drives me insane.

Yearning was never something I'd thought I'd go through until I met you, and lost you. Living without you is harder than I ever thought it'd be. I thought losing you would kill me but it did much worse. I know you'll never see this, never talk to me again probably. Maybe sometime in the future, I'll be able to tell you the actual reasoning and you'd be understanding. Just like I know someday I'll be able to say no without feeling bad.

Author's Note

Now THIS is FILLED with real events and is actually what I'm going through last night. Now, the probability of someone who knows him seeing this and knowing who I am and what I'm talking about is kind of low, as none of them really liked writing much, but if someone does, you do NOT know me, and you did not see this, for the love of god.

(PS. Last line is basically me saying I'll never be able to tell him the actual reasoning as anyone who does actually know me knows I can't say no to people and I never will be able to...)

Reviews

[happy_quacky]

This be peak. I like how you tell it. It's really good.

[Elli🦝]

Thank you!