Junction

Sometimes the ride is not what we thought; nor is the destination

Through the Silence;

I now can hear,
A distant Train drawing near.
Iron throated growl;

Rumbling timber to track.
A murder of crows;

Belching from its stack.
Steel engine of impenetrable sheen;
Upon its skin, the moonlight gleans.
Bright car windows;
Hooded shades;

Over watchful eyes.

Dare one ask the secrets carried inside?

I stand at the platform
Pine creaking neath my feet.
Alone as promised;
Exposed; 

Discreet.
Hissing and groaning;
This Goliath comes to a stop.
By the prickling of my skin;
I hear that second shoe drop.
A stream of light; and a Cheshire cat grin;
Fling open the door and welcome me in.
Embark on a journey;

Learn things anew;
Come on aboard.

 

I've been waiting for you.

 

Plush crimson velvet chair for me to repose.
Have a seat; 
Get comfy;  
Relax;
Tell me your woes.
From the dinning car come warm crumpets and tea;
Whisked up a la carte, especially for me.
I succumb to the warmth;

The comforts;

The glow.
Oh yes.

I do;

I wish to be in the know.

But as we talk this engineer and me;
A strange thing happens and I begin to see,
This train is taking me somewhere
I do not wish to go.
Though, when I boarded I was none the wiser so.
Screeching and screaming from the rails sparks fly.
Embers dancing as faeries taking to the sky;
Laughing and jeering at my fate.
Can I break free?        
Is it too late?

Cold as headstone the behemoth halts abrupt.

Ejected from its line;

Silken,

Corrupt.
In its panting steam I am left shivering,

Alone.
I need the lady moon to guide me home.

Reviews

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Very nice work! What an epic tale. I was left with more questions than were answered. Where did she end up? Why did the people on the train do this to her? How far was she taken out of her way?

So many questions - so few answers.

Well penned.

-Gabe

[W.k.kortas]

Some of the imagery--Goliath, Cheshire-Cat grin, iron horse--has been done maybe a little too often, and I would try to find alternatives; much of the other imagery--e.g., " a murder of crows"-- is very nice. The central conceit is fine, and you carry it through the piece very nicely. While I'm not as adamant about the point as a prior reviewer, I can see where you might want to consider some punctuation, and perhaps a couple of stanza breaks--maybe between lines 20 and 21, and perhaps again between lines 29 and 30. As is, this piece certainly needs no apology--there is a lot to like here--but I think with some judicious tweaking it could be very special.

[Morgan Ashire]

The piece would be stupendous if you had used PUNCTUATION! Nothing ruins a piece more if you can not tell the writers full intent. I have to say, I am very disappointed. A person of your obvious knowledge of words not using punctuation AT ALL, just, frankly, disgusts me. Not you as a person, but the action that has been taken. I would consider restructuring this piece and adding PUNCTUATION!

[Robert Luna]

This reminds me of one of my older pieces. i will included it at the end of my comment. I loved as i said it reminds me of my own thoughts and words which is so wonderful. I love the idea of this and the way you wrote this with so a feeling that could be felt and seen. The fear of that moment coming is something we all have faced at some point in life. When we think is this it the end. Truly loved this.

Here is my piece

Styx

There I stand blindfolded and gagged
Awakening in a nightmare land
Pennies drop from off my eyes
That I must use to pay for my ride
I await my turn as desires burn
My mind racing in anticipation
What awaits me is not clear
Yet I have no fears

Upon the banks of the river Styx
I watch steel-eyed beast
Emerge from out of the mist
Murders of crows
Take residence among the trees
In wait to devour any soul that finds no peace
Echoes of thunderous silences could only be heard
As boats rowed a shore
Shrouds of dark figures appear
Eyes of black brunt coal
Peer into my very soul
Seeing I wear no shame in these eyes
For the past that I can't deny
Knowing I would rather end my life
Than fall on bend knee and plead
Voices cracked leaving tracks
Among wisps of whispering winds
"A pound of flesh you shall pay
The toll to go my way"
Knife made of skeleton bone
Thrown there at my feet
I feel myself sink, drowning in the earthly ground
I quickly retrieve this ..this
Thing that will set me free

Evil grin sat upon its face
Expecting me to hesitate
With angry fists I slit
Down to ribs exposed
Now it knows
My heart has no home
Fear is nothing I have ever known
Once again it grins
Sending back
To live
In the land of my sins

[R J Askew]

Where have I heard 'murder of crows' before? Or am I imagining I have heard it? Still, it seems bang on for the smoke. There is drama in the poem which starts quietly and builds well, until we are ourselves in motion, hurtling through he night sky. 'Hooeded shades/watchful eyes' gives the first hint of something mysterious and, perhaps, sinister. Could the train represent the passage of adolescence into early adulthood? There are a lot of verbs in the story which I always like very much. The poem could be for any age, but I think kids might really get into this for several reasons...feeding them a poem like this would be better than a hour of cinquains however it is spelt! I thought this the best of the ones you sent me, just better than the kite.

[poddar kushal]

the descriptions are beautiful, solemn and soul stirring. i like "A murder of crows belching from its stack
Steel engine of impenetrable sheen
Upon its skin the moonlight gleans" you have a way to depict a scene as it is and take the reader through a journey of surreal

[John Braswell]

Good read. None of us know where we are going, and most of us don't want to go there. I guess it's because i'm old but I like poems that rhyme.

[[untitled]]

"Hooded shades over watchful eyes
Dare one ask the secrets carried inside"



i love this. it has a whimsical feel.

[ah]

wow, this is an amazing write, thank u very much for asking me to read it, keep it up

[justjenn_2u]

Beware the Cheshire Cat grin...... Deception speaks in this poem. The poem seemed to also be a parable in sorts. Enjoyed reading!

[Ani Ashford]

Oh, isn't this just the way!!! Your words are wonderful. I am looking forward to more.

'A strange thing happens and I begin to see
This train is taking me somewhere
I do not wish to go
Though when I boarded I was none the wiser so
Screeching and screaming from the rails sparks fly
Embers dancing as faeries taking to the sky
Laughing and jeering at my fate
Can I break free
Is it too late'