New Music

just something i was playing with...hope you like it!

 

The lights dimmed and all eyes set on me. My knees wobbled in uncertainty and my throat went drier than the Sahara. I grabbed the microphone with my sweaty palms and focused on the music around me. The beat was familiar but the words couldn’t come, my brain buzzed in panic. When I heard the start of my song my lips started to move. I heard something that resembled my voice and my confidence grew. I tapped my converse on the wooden stage, finding my groove.

 

            My voice echoed off the walls of the auditorium, my eyes closed in bliss. The world stopped and there was only me and my music.  'What a wonderful feeling!' I thought as beads of sweat formed on my brow. My body moved in the nameless pattern of beat and rhythm.  Like so many before me I fell in love as my lips formed the vowels of ecstasy. I was music and no one could stop me in my moment of forever.

 

            The people didn’t matter, life didn’t matter, and most of all time didn’t matter. But my song soon ended, and the people cheered. They saw what I felt and they wanted what I had. But did they know that now the pain came? The worst part of music is the emptiness that it leaves behind. I longed for feelings once felt and the endless time. The stage now empty and bear with the loss of the music. My dress clung to my tired frame and I planned the next day, always waiting for the music.

 

            But as my converse click clacked on the hardwood, a feeling overcame me. The beat, it poured through my ears as my feet moved on the floor below. A sense of awareness like nothing I had ever known. I understood …I knew something that was only true. As this feeling grew my voice called to the beat. Poking and prodding but never taming the thing it can only meet. A tear slid down my pale cheek, but not in the pain of emptiness but in the once rare bliss. I walked and walked now hearing the beat of the world.

Author's Note

please tell me what you think!!!:)

Reviews

This story is relatable expecially the first paragraph.

[Tina Kline]

Great piece on someone who lives for the music and is lost without it.

[The Official Gary B]

This is really good.. Although I think that your similarities are a little too wide range.. "my throat went drier than the sahara." good comparison but its too vast.. you can get your point across in a better way because if you keep it like that it makes the readers minds wonder and doesn't truly emphasize what your saying like its meant to..

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

ooh I loved it and I can relate. I do have to say there were quite a few places where punctuation should have been and wasn't, but thats all ;)

[Jeannie Wilder]

Interesting, fun! I can see an image in my head. ( to me she's playing to an empty auditorium -- even though that's not what you said, I tend to do that! )
a couple of things I noticed...
" nothing I had never known." this is a double negative, if you change never to ever it will be correct.
Try to vary the sentence structure and length, this will make it a more interesting read gramatically.

[jenn.]

Wow, that was pretty amazing :). I love the image it painted in my head, and how you didn't add names. I think that portrays that what you wrote is many peoples view on music. I love how it rhymed, and the descriptive words. Very face paced, enough for a short story, but not leaving out vital details.

Just a little editor critique from my personal style, try using a little more commas at interludes, where a pause or breath can be taken in a sentence, and when saying a thought, or someone is speaking out loud, either use ' marks or " marks. (: I really enjoyed that. Keep writing, it's amazing