Sweet Perfection

Soothing silence and the scent of fresh rain

Rushing water and singing birds

Soft green grass and a flawless world

Allow me to stay in my naive imagination

In this place of sweet perfection

Lacking darkness to sadden my soul

Escape from the rampant chaos life has become

Peircing screams and dieing parents

Honking horns and such foul language

Crimson pools and a troubled soul

Allow this to become the dream

This place of pain and torture

Let me not wake to a wounded world

Lacking imagination to brighten faces

Hell to so many others than just myself

Please God end me here

End me now

Let me stay in sweet perfection

Reviews

[Kaeru]

I liked this poem. It started out sweet and beautiful and turned sour and bloody and dark. I liked the two very different images that came into my mind. I pictured a meadow or a forest and that quickly turned to a murder scene, a car crash, a nightmare. There was such imagery here that allowed me to picture it crystal clear, which for many I can see as being a bad thing because most people don't want those images in their minds but I think it was kind of beautiful to see the change. At the end you kind of had a grey area between the two images that was almost at the meadow again but not quite. I loved it.

[Belator Books]

A nice escape my dear. I offer three nits, if you will: using 'perfect' and 2 lines later 'perfection' seem a bit repetitious; you might try a synonym for the former and see how it sounds. 'My sould' sounds like it should be 'my soul', and 'dying' instead of 'dieing'. A fresh breath if corrected, this piece. keep up the pen.

[bluessadmood]

That was so nice..dreamy write..
Live in soothing silence and scent of fresh rain,green grass,perfect world
allow me here to stay in my naive imagination,keep me in a world of lies
a place of sweet perfection,never want the dark to sadden me
escape of chaos of life has become my dreams
piercing screams,dying parents,honking horns ,foul language
crimson pools ,troubled souls..let me not awake to a wounded world
Oh God let me stay ,end me here ,end me now,let me sty in sweet perfection
lovely write..