The View

I wrote this especially for a friend but it seemed to fit the exercise - so i wanted to submit it.

There is a clearing at the dead end

of a nearby street

where the land falls away into the

distant view

between two hulking shells of once-homes

paint flaking chips glassless eyes gaping --

far below, the grave of ancient glaciers dragged

a river through it

and the distant, hazy somehere

(that is elsewhere) dimly visible at

the edge of all things where the sun like eggs

over easy

spills a burning pinkpurple into night.

I wished to learn to fly, while fighting the urge to jump from a high place.

Reviews

[Collette]

Awesome little piece you've got here. Phenomenal imagery, really. I wouldn't change a thing. My favorite lines have to be:
the edge of all things where the sun like eggs
over easy
spills a burning pinkpurple into night.
I wished to learn to fly, while fighting the urge to jump from a high place.

reminded me of some fond memories I have involving eggs and a sunrise...
thanks for sharing!

[thecoolone52]

yeah, i really liked this poem... the imagrey of the houses and the glacier make me cold and think of the mountain homes and such..... i thoguht of alaska 2 when i was reading this..... cool write i enjoyed it your pic is a little scary though hahahaha

[Kevin Colaprete]

Although I'm somewhat unsure as to what specifically the poem is about, it does seem to be slightly reminiscent of T.S. Elliot.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

great imagery, and wonderfully written. Nicely done!


Great Write
Rayne

[Maya]

NICE. great description with the "once-homes" i love it.
thanks for the review!

[Rod Zinkel]

You have a good contrast between the here, where there is a dead end, hulking shells, a grave, and the beginning description of a sort of ethereal elsewhere. The once thing that stops me is the metaphor for the sun. Not that it isn't accurate visually, but it doesn't stir a desire in me, as the reader, to fly. There may be a better metaphor that prompts desire in the reader to be in that other place; one that would be in contrast, specifically, to the images of dead end, shells, and grave. Perhaps something like the sun like a porchlight of an expectent loved one. Or maybe it wouldn't take a metaphor, but just description.

[yinseriv]

The poem is made to be shared! The visuals and feelings stirred are sublime. Thank you! Someone should send you a brownie for this!