Skylight

Fictional action story

I can see the chefs preparing dinner.  They were making fried chicken, her favorite.  The cake was beautifully made; contrasting their two favorite colors on each side, but in the middle showed the blending of the two.  I hop over to the skylight of the church, and I see her.  Dress flowing, the veil hiding her face, and her good friends holding up the back to keep it from dragging.  I think back how she told me that she wanted to have the wedding at her childhood church because it held so many memories.  I remember her face when I asked her the big question, and how she cried tears of joy.  She insisted that each of our rings would have each other’s names inscribed inside of them to help remember our promise.  But when the Leviathan tried to kill me and her at the park, I realized that she would be in deadly danger because of my job.  I knew she would want to stand strong with me anyways, but what if I was away on a mission somewhere and they blew up my house and killed her just as an example?  I decided at the time not to worry about it, but when I came home a few weeks later after saying that, I found that part of our house had been destroyed.  She had survived, but I knew this wouldn’t be the last attempt on her life.  So I did what I had to.  It was simplicity itself.  I had to die.  I made it seem like one of their many assassination attempts on me finally work, and my car crashed into the ocean.  One of the subs was waiting for me, and I knew I had left my old life behind.  As the years passed, I kept a close eye on her just to make sure she was safe.  But tonight, I heard that they planned to kill her just to get at me.  I couldn’t allow that.  As they made their way up to the alter, I heard what I was expecting.  Screams poured out of the hallways, and the cooks burst in with AK-47’s and pistols.  They had hostages, and began to threaten unless they got what they demanded, they would fire into the crowd.  But I knew their real motive.  I gave the signal, and me and twenty other men jumped through the skylight and began to shut down all the gunmen.  I saw one of the gunmen about to fire at her, and immediately activated the second part of our trap.  With a press of a button, there was a high-pitched screech that immediately caused the gunmen to clasp their ears in pain, leaving them unable to fire.  I turned around and found their leader, wearing ear plugs with nothing more than his bare hands, meaning he wished to take me on single handedly.
“Nice entrance” he said.  “Either you’ve never heard of a door or you just like pulling glass out of your shorts.”  With that, I lost it.  I began to punch him with a flurry of blows that even he couldn’t block.  After a few more minutes, we had wrapped everything up.  I took a quick look around to make sure that nobody in the crowd got hurt, and then we took our leave.  As I was about to leave the room, I turned and found her standing next to me.
“You honestly thought I wouldn’t recognize you?”  she said in a whisper.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t”  With that, I walked out, tears in my eyes.  She didn’t follow me.  She understood that we couldn’t be a part of each other’s lives, but we would always hold each other tightly in our hearts.  It hurts, but it would hurt more if I ever lost her.

Author's Note

Please be critical. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Tom C]

You might try breaking the ideas up into different paragraphs as the ideas change. Like where you go from
I knew I had left my old life behind. As the years passed,
Make a new paragraph with As the years passed.
That gives the reader a chance for their mind to realize there is a major story change going on here.
Just a thought. I read a lot.