Stranger

Do you believe in love @ first sight?

 

 

 

A stallion running fast as the north-wind blows

A tree mystically swaying in the air dancing a tango

Meteor showers in the eastern skies

A stranger's soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

You animate in my celestial dream

Sporadically moving and slowly fading into dim

When the violin started to play, your sorrow began to unfold.

Quandary radiated your heart turned into cold

In every movement of your exotic frame

I was mesmerized and dying to know your name

                                 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

This poem is brief but you were able to jam-pack it with visual images. My mind pictured out those words of yours. Your technique of showing rather than telling is very effective. Well, it is always effective when it comes to writing short poems. But in this poem, almost every line has an image that is vivid. I commend you to that.
As far as my reading is concerned, this is about infatuation at first sight, is it not?
I myself can relate to the theme in this poem. I have already experienced wanting to know the name of someone I instantly liked at first sight. I even dared to get her number hahaha I love the way you chose your words. Your lines and words are few but the impact is great.

However, let me make mention of these few things about some lines:

*Meteors showers in the eastern skies
---> Meteors SHOWER in the eastern skies

*A stranger soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies
--->A STRANGE SOUL/STRANGER'S SOUL shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

*Sporadically moving and slowly fades into dim
--->Sporadically moving and slowly FADING into dim ---> parellelism

*When the violin started to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---> When the violin started to play, your sorrow BEGAN to unfold.
---> [or] When the violin STARTS to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---to avoid the conflict of the tenses

Thank you for letting me read this wonderful piece of art. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Sir Joe thanks a lot for the review, I will consider changing it :), I appreciate your expertise in tenses which is very helpful. Thanks a lot :)

[Sir Joe]

You are most welcome, Sir Marc! Poets help one another out. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again :)

[JR Darewood]

this one is really really great.
I love the imagery

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks J, love hearing your words it is an inspiration to me :)

[Mike Emil]

ahh!!! this i remember from a long time ago

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

You love? :) thanks for reading mike.

[Pax]

a stunning imagery.... dance together in a beautiful harmony... its like a beautiful person had caught your eyes then hides in the dark.... i see the sparkling reference from twilight maybe because i see you have said love @ first bite.. ;) awesome one my friend...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax I appreciate it BIG time :) thanks Kabayan for the review.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Love @ first bite :) it is just twist instead of sight. because my experience it started in a kiss before the light comes, it is completely love kissed in the dark.

[Pax]

oh... very nice... galing!
your always welcome kabayan!

[Junert]

From the image to the last word. Perfect.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks sister your words is always and inspiration to me.

[Kelsey O'Connell]

The imagery is unreal. An entire story unfolds before the reader and by that time it`s over. Brilliant.
Probably the best poem I've had the opportunity to stumble upon so far

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Kelsey I am flattered for your kind words. Thanks for your time reading my work.

[keyvan]

beaytiful....

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother :)

[Mariam]

Really like it a lot.Well done,wonderful imagery.Reminds me russian style of writing

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mariam your words is always an inspiration to me. Thanks for your time reading my work.

[Mariam]

My pleasure

[Gerald Parker]

I like the use of images in this poem. However, for me, they tend to hang in the air, and while they are stunning, they do not appear to be connected either to one another nor to the main theme. Also I wonder whether the line: 'Quandary radiated your heart turned into cold' makes sense without punctuation. Also the line: 'In every movement of your exotic frame' I wonder whether it should say 'By every movement of your exotic frame.'

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the review Mr. Gerald but I want to maintain this edited one. Thanks for the suggestions.

[Gerald Parker]

Yes, but 'in' does not work. Nor does the 'quandary' line.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you, I will re-write soon the new version.

[KeelyJane]

This flows as smoothly as the dress you use to illustrate it. Beautiful and vivid imagery make this one one of my favorites.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Keely :) glad you like it :) thanks for your time reading my work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow this is intensely romantic...exotic imagery in this poem...really like the "stallion" line...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jacob, now I am learning fast because all of you supported me all time. Thanks a lot. :)