Clouds Boom

 

 

 

Lick my n*****s

Blow the bubbles

Kiss my lips slowly

Like a cotton candy

Break the morning

With sexual healing

Explore my body

Consider it your property

Best, best, the best

I need another request

Chase, chase, and chase

Now your body get ablaze

My perfect universe drains

Because of the torrential rain

Please let the clouds form

Before we make another super storm

Boom, boom, boom, the sound of thunder,

Your groan wildly gets louder                           

Boom, boom, boom, we sync our passion,

Merge our universe into a common dimension,

Boom, boom, boom, my love please hold,

While we rolled, we explode because of the overload,

                  BOOM!     

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Pete Langley]

I like the parallels of the tempestuous in clouds and in love making, but I have to admit the poet in me jars at your lack of care in some of your lines, which damages the overall quality of the piece. You have a very active imagination, Marc, but you really need to pay more attention to editing to achieve that extra BOOM! Sorry. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Aha thanks Mr. Pete can you revert which part of the lines ruin the work?

[Ohhhwillow]

I'm not sure about the flow and there are some grammatical thins I had confrontation with.. Besides this and the "boom, boom, boom" which reminded me (unfortunately) of a bad pop song haha I actually overall thought it was great and had some real potential. You experiment here with something sweet and desirable - delectable. You describe more than a burning need for pleasure but through delicate composure portray something much lighter, softer.. Something fuelled with love too, without saying it.

I thought "consider it your property" might work as a slight rewording. The latter line I did not quite understand, and the one after that perhaps may work better as "now your body is ablaze"

Just some help haha feel free to ignore my rumblings but I hope this criticism is useful to you! :) Well done Marc!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Willow I love the suggestion :) thanks for your time reading my work. :)

[gombeggar]

r we lactating?

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Not me lol :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A interesting poem. I like the flow of thoughts. The photo gave life to the poem. I like the way you led the reader into wild thoughts and actions. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Coyote I have a big respect to you as a writer and seeing your review and spending your precious time. I really thank you for your time and it comes from my heart. God Bless!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I just tried another style in writing hope you all like it, it is a cute sexy thing in the bedroom :)