just random thoughts

A Chapter by alex

What I learned about love is the Memories of the person I used to remember. I was ten years old when I first had my first boyfriend, and at the same time he was also friends with Excel which is my first Love.

It was December 10 2023 when I confessed my feelings to him, it was also my ex best friend's birthday and she wasn't my ex bsf at that time. One afternoon he went to my house and we walked around the neighborhood. Not exactly "WE" he was riding his bicycle with his blue shorts, and a white t-shirt, his hair was short, his body was small, and he was shorter than me. His bicycle had color blue patterns and. For a while I thought life was getting easier but I was wrong because back then I wasn't over with my first love, and I made love letters for Excelsis, also it got to a point where 1 year later I burned all the letters and it's smell was stronger than an ink that I have ever written on a paper. But something inside me lifted, like that overwhelming guilt has finally passed down along with my past. Yeah I could say I missed it, but I don't mean the moments where my life got darker, where I saw visions and hallucinations but I think I was afraid when someone would leave me.

January 2024

There was a chat between me and my ex. He said that his parents was on the United States, and he would leave the country this year (2024) or next year (2025). You know, I was stunned that he said he would leave me and I said that I would love him forever. Also I cried like my s**t would end the world. But I was Ten okay, I was young, afraid, and fragile.

But today I stalked my own profile on facebook. And as I was scrolling through my past posts, I saw my ex crushes. Zaire mentioning me to a post, and my ex reacting a heart to my December 2024 profile. Zaire became a well known basketball player in our town and he makes it into NATIONALS. I am happy for him as well as for my ex. He also plays basketball, but he isn't well known like zaire, but he plays incredibly well. When I went to view his account, I saw the button for "add friend" request, knowing back then we were friends on facebook and I was the one who unfriended him of a promise I made last year that we wouldn't have contact with each other anymore. But we basically chatted on August 2025 where De Andrei was still in my life- I said that I moved on, he says it too. We both went into our separate ways and we didn't directly had a relationship with somebody after we broke up. We both stayed positive although I wasn't back December '24. Anddd. January '25.

He seeks in sports, exercises, and he also prays for God.

He moved on by Physically

And I moved on without a Goodbye till I did it.

I seek in writings, although I'm not good enough for it, I still feel comfort towards it, I made love letters and poems just to make myself feel assured with ease and hope.

And this year, this day just now. He now lives in the 'US. Not two years ago, not even a year ago. This year..
We broke at March 7 2024

He went to the US at March 7/8 2026

meaning in the US it would still be March 7 2026

And I saw his story at March 9 2026.

He said that he would move into the Hawaii USA with his Family two years ago,

I believed him and saying that I would love him forever.

We both lied to each other,

But at the same time, we didn't.

We were just early.

Like when you celebrate a game too early and you end up losing,

that's we were before.

And we both lost something, but also gained something.