The Writer I Thought I’d Be

The dream I lost before Thirteen.

Before I turn 13 years old, I want to do something precious in my life because I only turn 13 once.

I could say this again when I turn 18 but I do realized that not all teenagers get to have their dreams fulfilled.

And I am afraid I might soon be one of those teenagers that didn't fulfill their dreams. I had my first love

at 9 years old, and I didn't even realized that I was living my prime, having good time with the people I used to be close to.

But now my life feels unfinished, like I missed out on an opportunity that I wasn't supposed to forget about it.

When I was in 6th grade, I had my hopes high on going to SPJ or Journalism, because my advisor kept praising me about my writings that I even started to believe I was good at it. I started searching contests and programs on google, hoping that I was qualified for it. I didn't place on my first program, since the reason was my grammar.  Because It wasn't that good and it needed improvement.

I appreciated everyone's honesty and it let me pursued to be better at it. I didn't know the basic techniques for journalists especially at my country. I am not competitive as people say, I just want to write what I feel. Not just my emotions but also the things and the opinion that evolves around me. I did join the SPJ club but I didn't last long till I left, I got the News writing column although I was a bit disappointed but also happy as long as I got one. But something inside me said that it wasn't the one I want, and I tried to forget about it by thinking another thing that focuses me on the column I was chosen for. Instead, it got louder each time I wrote a draft, each paper that holds my opinion but I couldn't write it on the real paper that I was supposed to submit.

Sometimes I differentiate my written work to another written work. One was for the fact I received, and the other was for the opinion I hid since I started this Journey. There were times when I write smoothly, understanding the topic, and even focusing on the smallest details no one has seen before, not even the Leader themself. Despite all that, I'd have to redo my work again incase I see another perspective or changes.

Then one day, I just stopped making drafts as well as my essays. I just gave up and wrote a sh1t long message to Sir Ag. He understood why I felt this because this wasn't what I wanted. Not only did I just gave up, I also started to learn things about myself that I didn't even notice before.

I may have not fulfill/ed this dream.

I may have lost this dream, but I got the chance to experience to feel what it's like to be doing something you don't actually 

love doing till you realize it. I do still have flaws in my writing but If I had the chance to go back, I might probably say to my younger self to not expect a lot for the dream you hope to outcome.

So yeah, I’m hoping I won’t become one of those teenagers whose dreams never got the chance to shine, because I already lost mine before I even started my teenage years.

alex.

Author's Note

ignore grammatical errors..