All I see

This is a poem I wrote about some feelings I can't lose, so I wrote them down...and the part where it says im not gonna try it needs to say im not gonna try for you but it didn't sound right...

The pain I have

The tears I cry

The questions of why

 

Still leave me wondering

Even after so many years

 

I don't understand

Why I hurt so much

When all I wanna do-

is just give up

 

I can't explain

So I try not to complain

 

But sometimes it's too much

And I just start to bawl

 

I'm at that point

Where im not gonna try

I'm not even gonna cry

 

But I am gonna-

make something of myself

 

 

Author's Note

Please comment and let me know what you think and please be honest....(:

-Thanks, Marissa

Reviews

[lalala]

i agree with nevermindfan1991. When i read a poem, i want to be able to see what im reading? you know what i mean. like you should add more detail so you describe your feelings more. other wise it was an ok write. :)

[Dearantlers]

I think it's amazing. And I love that you had words like gonna in the poem. Most people won't, but I think that little things like that are what makes it so special. I loved the poem!

[nevermindfan1991]

To much telling not enough showing. Describe your feelings not with conversational words. Describe feelings not the situation! Be more gritty, use more detail. Don't be afraid to over-expose yourself. I've seen too many poems written like this one. Continue to express yourself but look beyond the superficiality of your problems

[Nautili]

i like your resolve to make something of your life despite harsh, unyielding circumstances. I am sure that you will do just that.


"But sometimes it's to much" should be "too much."

[Sleepless]

you do that ! to anyone who has had their heart borken this will defineletly motivate them !:) this was good sometimes i feel like that too wait nope that was me this year but as time passes you learn how to handle them correctly keep writing 1:)

[Nautili]

Poetry is a good way to vent strong emotions, and you did this nicely. Nice work and I hope you are feeling better. :)

[Martha Gilleece]

I really enjoyed reading this! I can relate very closely to the feelings that you're expressing, especially the last stanza. :)