Old Soldier

This is my first Villanelle, a format I discarded a decade ago, as the repeated lines made the read seem almost trite; I may have to reconsider!

OLD SOLDIER

Now, from the Field I'm fin'ly sent

And view my Soldiers, sick with Woe

My Fame and Fortune all are spent!

 

I cannot tell you where it went,

Nor how it did so swiftly go:

Now, from the Field I'm fin'ly sent...

 

My Fury, it will not relent,

Yet I cannot find aught to throw;

My Fame and Fortune all are spent!

 

I cannot e'en afford my rent!

What next transpires, I do not know.

Now, from the Field, I'm fin'ly sent...

 

From Brussels to Bruges, then on to Ghent,

I tread, forlorn, in knee-deep Snow--

My Fame and Fortune all are spent.

 

God seeks, I think, that I repent--

'til then, His Wrath will o'er me blow.

Now, from the Field, I'm fin'ly sent:

My Fame and Fortune All are spent!

 

March 6, 2009, 3:20 am

Reviews

[JohnL]

This looks fine to me however, I have one small comment. Your use of the apostrophe to maintain an 8 syllable metre is I feel unnecessary (fin'lly and ev'n) Here I feel you can leave it to your reader to adjust his reading to the ideal fow in a sort of compromise which respects, but frees us from slavery to, metre. Markymark may disagree - if he's listening, I'd like to hear his opinion. I too anm only learning - as are we all.
To me, the definitive V. will always be Dylan Thomas's 'Do not go gentle into that good night' (10) and he varied his metre somewhat.
I felt that your villanelle, because of its subject and its repetitions within proper form paid a very fitting tribute to the generation of wonderful young men of WW1, or the poor misled wretches who followed Napoleon to Moscow but never arrived, even the ordinary soldiers of Germany who had no options. All suffered so much at the evil hands of the power mad and the incompetent.

John

[David Lewis Paget]

I like the historical feel of this, that mention of 'Brussels to Bruges then on to Ghent' gives it that sort of flavour, rather than a modern feel. I can just about see the French reeling back from Russia in your lines,
'I tread, forlorn, in knee-deep Snow--'. I've never tried a villanelle myself - never got into all the different forms and their names. I just write.
David.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mark,

This is a wonderful poem. It paints a simple personality that has had all its internal strength sucked dry. It is simple and poignant. I'm sure this was a challenging write. It is difficult to obey strict rules of style. But personally, I feel the effort is always worth it.

High marks!

Best regards,

Rick

[R J Askew]

I enjoyed this. It is very well executed to a tight 8 syllab scheme, is simple and effective. More importantly the content has a ring to it that many an old soldier wld nod in agreement with, esp around 1918-19 when many men found themselves surving the war and the flu only to wonder ... now what? But that line 'My fury it will not relent' probably fits soldiers returning from many a war who can't fit back into civilian life have been trained to kill or die, having seen and done things none of us want to see or do. So a great job technically and in terms of content.

[Markymark]

Great ink....Mark. Your creative juices are flowing again. Please don't give up on the villanelle, I am partial to it. I love the repeats at each stanza end. I have recommended the form to some young writers. Every time I see a poem that repeats.....I wonder how beautiful it might be , reformatted into a villanelle. I love the 8 syllable meter and the repeat. I agree with Ellen......it's not trite, it's just right. I also love a rondeau, and as you know even attempt a sestina once in a while. Where would the poetry world be without "Do not Go gentle into that good night?" The old forms take patience and creativity and intelligence stirred together with WORK. But the flow and beauty are unparallelled, when it's done. A lot of people read the old forms, and know something is special about them....they just can't put their finger on what it is. I glad I found you my friend. You challenge me and inspire me to keep writing without blowing sunshine up my rear. I respect that. Respect the villanelle.

Later, Markymark

[Ellen Hammond]

Great tempo and flow. Trite is definitely not an adjective I would use to describe this write. Very nice read, my friend.

[An owl on the moon]

Very visual in its movement, and rhythmic like the ancient drums of war echoing through the battlefields. Would love to have just a brief description of the format of a Villanelle. I'm very limited in my poetic background!