Dem's Slaves

What would you do if on your vacation you happened to run across some slaves...and a slave master...in a field...picking cotton?

Dem’s  Slaves

 

(After getting lost on their way home, John pulled the car over to the side of the road. They had no cell reception, no GPS.  A red-faced man in a straw hat stood about fifty yards off the two-lane road looking toward a group of what looked like farm hands. Leaving Ellen in the car, John walked over to the man to ask for directions.)

 

-Hello sir, I’m John.  I have no idea where I am and was wondering if you might know how to get back to the interstate. We’re trying to get back to Elijay.

-Up ‘bout a mile down dat gravel road you see dis big oak tree.  When da road forks, go leff and you see a sign says Elderwood. Take dat about forty mile to da interstate.

-Excuse me, but…are you a farmer?

-Yessa…family been farmin’ deez  parts over two hunnerd yearun.

-(perusing the man’s field) Are those African-American fellows your employees?

-Dem’s slaves.

-Slaves…what do you mean?

-Slaves…I own ‘em. How you ‘spect dis cotton get picked?

-But…

-Cain’t do it musself.

-How much does a farm hand make these days?

-(Shrugs) Slave wages. Hey I taw you jis want directions?

-I was just curious.

-Curious ‘bout what?

-Well, what’s that in your hand?

-Dissa whip. What it look like?

-What do you use it for?

-What you tink I use it fuh? If doz slaves be slackin’ off, dis gets ‘em goin’ right quick.

-You are aware that slavery is illegal, right?

-Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout?

-The Civil War…all slaves were set free after that. Remember the Emancipation Proclamation? 

-Missa, you best be movin’ on or ya might end up on da wrong end of dis here whip, you keep talkin’ like dat.

-Jesus. You’ve heard of Abraham Lincoln, right?

-Dirt farmer up north?

-No, he was our sixteenth president, sir. He freed the slaves. It’s in every school book.

-Book-learnin’…huh…and quit callin’ me sir. Don’t trust a man who does dat.

- Is this a joke? Are we on Candid Camera?

-Candid who?  Listen son, I gotta get dis cotton picked…so you betta git.

Back at the car

-What was that all about?

-That man has slaves.

-What are you talking about?

- Slaves…indentured servants…not free…forced labor…slaves! See those black guys up on the hill with the shoulder bags? Those are slaves; and picking cotton, no less.  I’d like to go up and talk to them but that weirdo has a gun in his belt. He also has a whip and he even told me he uses the whip to keep the slaves in line.

-But…

-We need to call 9-1-1.

-Maybe you misunderstood him.

-I didn’t misunderstand him!

-We can’t call anyway, there’s no cell coverage up here.

-Alright, but the moment we get reception, we have to call the police. Either there’s an injustice happening or I’m dreaming all this, or we’re in some kind of time warp.

-You need a nap, sweetheart. You hardly slept last night. Let’s just go home.

-Home? When there are slaves picking cotton in 2018?

(Later)

-Yes, officer, he’s a farmer. He lives over…well I’m not sure where he lives. He was out in a cotton field about forty miles southwest of Elijay.

-Oh, Bill Jeffries.

-You know him?

-What did you think of his performance?

-His what?

-His performance. He does Civil War reenactments. Don’t worry about him. He’s a little odd, but he’s harmless.

-Officer, he had slaves up there. And they were picking cotton for God’s sake!

-Relax, it’s just acting. Jeffries’ real job is selling insurance over in Chatsworth. He does his Civil War thing on the weekends. I’ve seen it a couple of times…very impressive.

-But I thought reenactments just involved battles where people dress up in Union and Confederate garb?

-Maybe they’ve expanded things?

-Do you know which organization he’s affiliated with?

-No, but here’s the nearest Civil War organization phone number. 770-555-2987.

-Thanks, Sheriff.

After returning home

-Is this the North Georgia Civil War Society?

-Yes it is.

-You do Civil War reenactments, right?

-Yes, we reenact Civil War battles one weekend a month.

-What about the other aspects of the Civil War era, like slavery? Do you reenact things like that?

-(Laughs) Oh no, we don’t do that.  We only reenact battles.

-Listen, there’s a fellow who has a farm southwest of Elijay who is reenacting slavery. At least I think it’s reenacting. Anyway, he’s got a whip and there are slaves picking cotton and it’s all very realistic. I thought he might be affiliated with your organization. 

- I’m not familiar with him; must be with another group.

Later

-Sheriff, I called that number you gave me and they said they don’t do slavery reenactments.

-Well, that’s all I know.

-That’s all you know? Shouldn’t we check this Jeffries out to make sure he’s legit?

-He should be at his insurance office in Chatsworth on Monday if you want to meet him. 

-Yes I do. Something’s not right.

-He’s a stand-up fellow.

-Uh-huh.

Monday at the insurance office

-So you’re Bill Jeffries?

-One in the same.

-And you do Civil War reenactments?

-Yes I do.  Who told you that?

-Sherriff Conners.

-What’s this all about? 

-There’s no problem. I just wanted to meet you myself to tell you that we saw your reenactment, and that you’re quite good.

-Thank you. You should join us sometime. It’s a lot of fun.

-No thanks. I must say, you have your slave-master thing down pat.

-Slave-master? I don’t portray a slave-master. I’m a Confederate  artillery officer.

-…

Later at home

-John, I was just thinking, maybe you got punked…you know,  like that show with Ashton Kutcher.

-But wouldn’t Ashton and his crew have come out of the bushes and had a big laugh at my expense? That didn’t happen.

-I know, but…

-I need to lie down.

-Okay, sweetheart. I’ll make dinner and you go and take a nice nap. We can discuss this slavery business tomorrow.

-(tearfully) Okay.