Kill the Clocks

Wake me up when the clocks are dead
and heartbeats hold the scale of time,
when old man envy's found his bed
and dreams that soothe frustration's crime;
when all the teachers' lessons rhyme
as children dance t'ward parenthood;
when infant wants are screams sublime
and all the thoughts of man are good.

Take me back where the words were said,
that caused the silver bells to ring;
where all our beastly ways were shed,
and mingled voices learned to sing;
where selfish winter met the spring
of our rebirth in brotherhood;
where hope's old dove first raised a wing
and all the thoughts of man were good.

Lead me now, down the path ahead,
and share the humming of your mind.
Let all your dreams and feelings spread
to every open ear they find,
and watch your passions be combined,
with those of every man who's stood,
to shape a world that will remind
us all of what we should and could.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Beccy]

I fear it will be a long sleep and one that makes Rip Van Winkle's snooze seem like an afternoon nap.

Then again, and to name just two of the wonders we have created, a species that can spawn such beauty as Rodin's 'The Kiss' and Michelangelo's painting of the Sistine Chapel, (both of which I have visited and marveled at,) must surely be in with a chance of pulling back from the brink; and for the sake of our children, I sincerely hope this will be the case.

This is a wonderful poem, both in structure and message.

Beccy.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Beccy! :)

[emipoemi]

I sense a bit of Wordsworth in this. I mean a major Wordsworth vibe is flowing through this, especially in the last stanza. There's a transition oddity in Stanza 1 Line 4 (that line seems like it's supposed to be connected to the previous three, but there's no clear connection). Also, the commas in the second part of Stanza 3 are not needed, given that whole thought it one continuous progression. But everything else is astoundingly beautiful and powerful! Well freaking done!

[BlackPrince]

This is a touching and wonderful poem, from beginning, middle and finale. It speaks volumes about beautiful, fragile and wondrous human existence.
The rhyme scheme is natural with a smooth flow and rhythm. I like the effective way refrain is used.

The way it is structured, is this a known poetic form?

[mattavelli]

Hey, BlackPrince, thanks for reading. Its not a known form, but a patterned rhyme that I like. ABABBCBC

[Franco]

I agree that there is a strong message here. Also, I like the way the poem was worded. "share the humming of your mind." I have always liked this way of writing.

[Papaya]

This is the ultimate goal. A better world. It starts with each person doing their part. Leading by example.
I hope I leave my children with all that I've learned and ingrained in them a strong code of ethics.

[Chris Shaw]

Strong message here, beautiful poetry. Lovely flow and cadence. An excellent read. Well done mattavelli.

Chris

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Chris! :)

[john l smith]

the message here is powerful.
If only we all could come together with all of man's thoughts being good.
I wonder at what time that might happen?
Where in the H is my clock?

[mattavelli]

Hi, Dave, thanks for reading! :)
I figure humanity will either learn to play nice or suicide. The numbers aren't looking good.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Love the lilting meter you encase this in mattavelli. It sounds a sombre tale of reflection and fear that ends upon a more uplifting note. As others said those clocks! But clocks are mere messengers.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, John! :)
I'd like to see all of humanity's tribes collapse into open honesty, but I don't think the trolls would let it happen. Haha

[Robert Trakofler]

to me... this is best read aloud
third line second stanza might want to lose the... the? or add 5 more up to you
Your message(s) is ones of which i share very much, as well as the concept of crushing, killing and collapsing those damn clocks! the lines in between your rhythms flow are very clever with double meanings I do enjoy that style of write! down with the clocks!

[mattavelli]

Hey, Bad bunny, thanks for reading!
Aye, that THE needs to walk a plank. Thanks. :)

[Stella Armour]

You have composed a wonderful 8 syllable meter her and the rhyming scheme is not forced at all.

On top of that the message is beautiful and yes ... let there be peace and joy the world over instead of choas... :)

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading, Stella. :)

[barleygirl]

S**t man! This is freakin' spiritual! You really surprised me! I just read another poem about "time" . . . I wonder if the universe is serving up this message quite a bit for me?!?!? So I start your poem, just being thoroughly impressed by your title & opening stanza, just on word crafting alone. But then as I read on, the loving depth of your message unfolds in a powerful way. This is the kind of loving message that I long for, in our times of strife & hate. You are the antidote, my friend, so keep up the good work! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[mattavelli]

Hi, Barleygirl, thanks for reading! :)
And thanks for enjoying my poem. I hadn't written one in a long time. Yes, the world is depressing, it is what it is. We can make it better.

[barleygirl]

I'm trying to focus on the positive instead of fighting against the s**t . . . it only brings on more s**t.