Love Can Wait

Written for a man from whose arms I was torn, once upon a time. Circumstance delivered him to someone else's heart and home. I still love him, and he still loves me too.

Like asking a young child to change the color of his eyes,

Or hoping to see ostrich fly with grace through azure skies,

Is pleading with my heart to let you go my love, my life

 

            I read a book

            And say a prayer,

            Yet without fail your face is there,

            In every thought,

            From dawn ‘till night…

            …A most delightful plight.

 

Traps of time and circumstance held me fast from being yours;

We both agreed to wait and learn what fate might have in store;

 Still all that I am wants you now, and then forever more.

 

            Before I sleep,

            I toss and turn,

            To see you in my dreams I yearn;

            And when day comes,

            Night’s bliss soon fades;

            As consciousness invades.

 

My promise binds, so I shall set you free against my will;

dense pieces of our broken selves steepen life’s lonesome hill;

exhausted, lame, perhaps we’ll find that love’s too strong to kill.

Author's Note

Anyone with tips on proper punctuation, please don't hesitate to comment extensively. I don't really know how to separate the lines and stanzas.

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

Your punctuation is pretty spot on, except for your use of semi-colons mcg. A semi-colon usually indicates a change of subject. Commas seem more apt in the above. I would, however, place a comma after 'dreams' in V4.
I love the construction of this, it's so unusual, more like lyrics with choruses, but your rhythms complement each other. With regard to the subject material, this is so sad and well expressed, though I wouldn't have known it was about your father, or father figure unless I had read your note.

[Lorraine]

Simply touching. The subtle lines and the elegant flow appear effortless. Moreover, I like the very thought of this poem, it has a touch of innocence and passion mixed together. Wonderful and easy to follow poem.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Christy Sargent]

Ah, lost love. Painful. Yes, painful for each of us who have experienced it under what ever circumstances. "Traps of time and circumstances ..." are my favorite lines in your wonderful and heartfelt poem. I am new to the site but want, now, to read all you have written. I like that you are a stickler about the mechanics of writing.

[Jeremy D. Andrews]

I can feel your pain from your words. But there is something about the poem i feel is missing, what I dont know. Being cold hearted as it were from love I would say prevents me from holding the full meaning. We always love those who we fall in love with and impossible to let them go. In not letting them go we never truly have our full selves to give to another. You have a hope that that love shared will bring the pieces together. As many of us do with love we dont want it to go and feel as if keeping a part of our hearts stored away with the love for that person will eventually reunite the loss.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

This is a fantastic form for this poem. I really enjoyed the second and fourth stanzas. It seems to all fit rather well. The line about the ostrich is rather striking. I found myself reading it several times because I liked it. I would go back and look for small errors in punctuation and spacing (the beginning of the third line of the second tercet). One thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to have the first letter of each line capitalized. This may be something you did on purpose for style, but it may help lines that you want to be read more smoothly do so. You do a beautiful job with the rhyme scheme. I didn't realize how much there was until I went back and looked at it more closely. :)

[ermoss]

I loved this poem Matthew it makes me feel sad. You did a great job with the form

This is very nice. I like how the long lines are broken up by the groupings of smaller ones, changing the tempo. The content is heartbreaking.

[Seashell]

I feel the pain here as you have described it vividly. A great poem even if filled with sadness and longing. Perhaps the love is indeed too strong to kill so will stay with you for ever.
Thanks for share...well done...

Babs xx

[Doreen]

I thought the punctuation was spot on. This is such a heartfelt, wonderful piece. Haven't we all felt this at least once in our lives. Very well written. I enjoyed this.