IT WAS NEVER ME

You will never know.

The rivulets of morning rain,

They trickle down the windowpane,

And, at times, I feel insane,

But now I know I'm not to blame.

Spider webs in morning dew,

They sparkle and I think of you,

And, at times, I wish you knew,

Of my deeds that killed those few.

Reviews

[Brielle Cartny]

"spider webs in morning dew" is a beautiful line. I like that! I guess i would just like to see it longer.

[Christie]

I am intrigued and captivated by this, but it leaves me wanting more. I think, if you wanted to, you could expand this in revisions and it would be a more satisfying read for the reader. I genuinely love every line, I just want to know more. I feel so very close to saying I can relate to this, yet so very far at the same time, and I think revisions that expand on certain thoughts (Not to blame for what? Can we get more clues into that? What deeds killed those few... and what are the few, the times you think of her?) could close that gap between reader and writer and create a real emotional connection. :-)

But whatever it is you decide to do, and if you chose to leave it as is, I think this shows a talent in finding the simple but beautiful things in life, like spider webs in morning dew. Keep on keeping on with your imagery, it's working!

[Miguel]

Hello, Christie. :)

Thank you for your review; it's been really helpful!
This piece is actually part of a longer poem, but I didn't feel that the rest of it worked as well as these little bits standing alone. It's not that I prefer having it this short, it's just that I wasn't satisfied with the rest of it.

I'm currently trying to rework the old piece to see if I can achieve that emotional connection you mentioned. :) Glad you like what I've got so far, though!

Cheers,
~Miguel