I'll Rise

Very deep write

　

through the smoke out of the devil's Hell

I sought for peace when times get slow

you will never know until you try

stop lying to yourself putting that book right back on the shelf

We each move to slow in society's vast undertoe

people telling you which way you should go

these are desolate times

yet we settle for ill but faded rhymes

can't we read between the lines

for years you pushed me underneath the rug

carrying not about me with love

yet I'll rise through the noise pollution

willing to start a new revolution

a tug at the heart will light the spark to where I need to go

sometimes I feel like I'm in prison in cell block number seven

it's not a one time shopping event at your local seven eleven

I'll rise from the shadow of darkened confusion

I'll rise out of the furnace of affliction

With my hope in the Lord & heaven up above

There is nothing I can't do in this life

You can beat me & put me down

but I'll never wear my head down in a from

only one life is soon to be passed

only what's done out of love will last

lift your voice up so you can be heard

listen to the heart of love by accepting every word

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

You've got some powerful emotions in this piece, which is great. I would explore some other ways of wording what you want to get across though - remember that in poetry you have to choose each word carefully! I would point out the rhyming line endings "seven" and "eleven" as a moment when wording makes a difference. That particular rhyme pair is definitely over-used, so it sounds trite and detracts from the atmosphere you're trying to create in this piece.

Although some people get scared away by forms, I think this might be a good place to explore using them. Your first few lines have a bunch of strong iambs, but they don't contain the same number or order. Perhaps try settling on a number of iambs (usually 4, 5, or 6 per line is good), and trying to use the rhythm scheme to help you provide a foundation for your poem?

[Brent]

Loving someone else is a double-edged sword because you can feel extremely happy or sad, depending on what happens.

Your poem helps me understand the importance of loving myself. With that, I can always be hopeful and overcome the hardest challenges in life.

The line "lift your voice up so you can be heard'" resonates with me. People can't read minds, so you have to speak up to be heard and deal with the consequences.