winter

its cold in my heart when you are not here

The days slowly go by

coldness come and heat goes

winter is here

 

In my heart

I have that icy feeling

knowing you're not here

 

The world is dull

grey and alone

as winter passes by

 

Slowly winter passes

you will return

as the cold slowly fades

 

The colour returns

and little birds sing

spring came

 

there's a warm

tingly feeling in my heart

you are back

 

Reviews

[John Holmes]

this took me a few reads to get fully and i'm not sure why if i am honest. The poem itself is good; I guess the only thing i could suggest is perhaps more imagery? e.g. perhaps how your heart goes grey and dead like winter, but bloom into colour like the spring fields? Anyway, it is a lovely piece :) keep it up!

[Adri Moolman]

thanks!!!!!!

[Ency Bearis]

When I read your poem of what I think this is an early post for winter as it's season of summer here, but I realized that you are down under and we had opposite weather. Just a cool write about the season, well penned.

[Adri Moolman]

thanks

[Ency Bearis]

you're welcome

[Criss ;)]

you memorized my winter days....100/100 :)

[Adri Moolman]

thx

[Zap-the-awesome]

This feels good... Good work.

[Adri Moolman]

thank you

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

The "coolness" of loss...I saw this immediately. I know the feeling of having your world go cold and flat when someone you love is not around. I agree with a few of the reviewers when they say that you need to employ a bit more imagery. I felt the emotional impact of this because I read between the lines, but it is better if you show us how you are feeling. I like to use a "moment in time" rather than a really big idea, at least at first, because you are better able to describe things. Overall, though, i love the concept and the flow.

[Adri Moolman]

thank you so much

[quinfinn]

i like the comparison of a love welcomed home to the end of winter and the return of spring. it sort of makes the entire write a blissful and clever metaphor. well done!

[Adri Moolman]

thank you

[quinfinn]

welcome!

[Baby Ricochet]

Lonely roads and icy hearts. Good job

[Adri Moolman]

thanks