Sea Song

For entry in the Vibrant Villanelles contest.

The day was hot and oh so long,
as the water soon called to me.
Crisp, cool water singing its song.

 

Calling me as I walked along
just past the spot where sand meets sea.
Why! Tell me why it's been so long?

 

What made it so and what went wrong,
to keep my soul so far from free?
Now sing again, please sing your song.

 

Take me to when my heart was strong,
before such pains took hold in me.
Life's joy has past, it's been so long...

 

Dare I again try to belong,
to lost childhood's pure revelry?
Oh please! sing to me, sing your song!

 

That's the day I set my soul free,
relearned life's truth down by the sea.
Walking the shore it didn't take long,
I found my soul - hearing that song.

 

Author's Note

If you are unfamiliar with the format, it will seem odd to you. The rhyme has to follow a strict structure that is not obvious.

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

Even tho~ your repeated first and third line of the first stanza does'nt follow thru~out verbatim as it is suppose
to~your two main rhymes form quite nicely thru~out this lovely piece ~ except in the last stanza~ the second line
end rhyme needs to rhyme with the middle line of 1st stanza end rhyme~ like long,song, etc~
at any rate very enjoyable to read and Very nicely done ~Fran Marie

[luthien7]

THis is beautifully written and the rythme (I can never spell that right! or maybe it just looks wrong) is right on! Beautiful Villanelle. I like varying the refrain just a bit, so the rhyme and ending words are still there but saying a little more each time. HIghly impressed.

THanks for the read!

[Rainbowco]

Lovely, flowing without breaks and joy to read aloud. I like that the first and last line of the first stanza
is changed through out the poem, it lends for a more pleasing read. I did not feel like I was reading a children's poem with sing-song rhyme.

[Ray Hamilton]

I liked it
The sea or any body of water is very relaxing to me
Thanks for the write I enjoyed it
Ray { Not a Poet }