The New Journey

i am a wander

finding new lessons

life has to offer

but i must pay a price to learn

i go from one place to another

looking for happiness

i must not be blind

and cover my eyes

but look

i must take chances

but be careful

i must think about things

 but from overthinking
i will only create doubt
from which no good
ever comes

i will stand up to the wicked

and protect the good

and will learn the differnce to both

i will listen to others

and if they ask i will give them advice

but will tell them it is just advice

for they will make there own desision

for good

or for bad

for i am a wander sent to help

help people

and in the end i hope to find my own happiness

Author's Note

tell me what you think

Reviews

[C.T. Bailey]

I truly like the concept and convention of the piece. It was easy for me to follow your thinking all the way through this. Constructively, it is a little choppy in spots. The overall flow is good however. As an example of the chop to help you...

but not overthink
for if i overthink
i will dought
and dought is not good

This is a bit redundant. If I be so bold as to rewrite this portion for you...I might put this as such:

but from overthinking
i will only create doubt
from which no good
ever comes

Double check your spelling before posting. I also make the occasional grammar/spelling error...however, if not kept in check, it will reflect upon your abilities in a very negative way. Before posting I ususally go back through a piece four or five times. If the write is heavy with sophisticated verbage...I have a second party proof it. This has a lot of potential. Polish it up and lets take another look at it. Very nice...
Todd

[Ari]

I am really impressed that you took the advice given in the review below, and I want to point out that your changes really do make this a stronger piece of writing.