Drowning Hopefully

The butterflies in my stomach have died,

choked on the dinner you made.

One still has hope,

treading weakly in the wake.

Speaking my mind is forbidden,

with your scorn, they are riddled.

You look at me with those cold eyes.

I shudder, knowing you'll die

in the morning.

Reviews

[A.Lee]

Wow. This one has a very cold feel to it and leaves you hanging at the end. Kind of like Adora said... "wait, what?" or like a punch in the gut, but still waiting to catch your breath. I really like this one... Very strong and leaves the reader thinking.

[Adora.xo]

Nice. I like that the butterflies at first seemed to be "romantic" but when the eye reaches "died," You've turned the whole poem around. The first two lines are very very strong, a great hook to a reader. I also really liked that there was close to no rhyme scheme until "You look at me with those cold eyes./I shudder, knowing you'll die" And, the last word seems almost like a finale, or an abrupt, cold end. But, the last line leaves you waiting. In the morning. Not now... for now I'll deal with your hideous ways, but only till morning. It made me read the whole poem over again twice! I was like "wait.. what? morning?? but but but!" Good job darling! Keep it up!

~Adora

[Dom]

Well done. I enjoyed reading this. :)

[deeps]

This is quite interesting really.
I like this, very well written and expressed.

[Ruth]

Oh wow!
Now this can mean a lot of things. The reference to the butterflies in the stomach, an internal unrest, the reference to the cold eyes, hmm, not obvious, but this is a surreal piece of work, which is always good! xx

[b.conmartel]

An interesting poem to say the very least! I am currently caught up with the different ways to interpret the lines of this poem and then the poem as a whole. There is a lot of strength and emotion in the way this has been written. I have really enjoyed reading this!