Perfection Correction

I went for a choppier pace of poetry than my normal style with Perfection Correction. I feel like it gets the sense of bitterness across to the reader.

Porcelain face, golden curls, big brown eyes.

Full ruby lips, perfect to kiss.

A fake smile clings to her teeth.

She forces herself not to grit them.

Her skirt is a pretty color - not too long, never too short.

Here they come.

A perfect pair - a botoxed face,

and his eyes, that strip away her lies.

Those eyes know too much.

Their mask is happy,

but he's a few steps from an illicit visit in a shady hotel.

Everyone knows.

She watches the color drain from their faces as they realize.

She smiles too wide. "I'm pregnant."

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Yep, I would have to agree.. bitterness is felt in these words. The vision of one seething inside finding out news that one didn't want to hear. The piece shows also the inner strength one must have to endure those slaps in the face and continue to move forward.

Aaron

[MoriartyMesa]

Wow, this was nice a brutal and the flow was awesome.

[demureminds]

Bitterness definitely shows itself here. I liked the imagery, it made the scene feel awkward for the two as it should be, given the circumstances. I also liked the descriptions you gave in this, the two consumed in regret.