University Hasn't Even Started

It never rains here, 

that's the first thing.

But when it does rain, 

(and it does,)

it's this sticky, underneath a hamburger bun feeling, 

this greasy, guilty, sordid wetness

that follows you to your dorm room.

I'm still replying,

these are not my words.

And in the name of the dormitory,

mine must be most traditional.

Coziness is something I've always needed,

it's a threadlet on the outer seam of my heart.

I thank God for what the 1960's saved for me,

regardless of the spider-hole in my ceiling.

What if I had done something? 

Maybe my home habits prepared me for this, too.

I step out of 434, and my snowglobe house stretches,

miles wide, and I still don't talk to anyone really,

(but I do.)

The entire world is at my feet,

and so is my massive, paunchy shadow,

that still I cannot tell whether he is me or someone else.

Is she okay? Will someone tell me? 

I'll never get along with an xoxo

if they aren't mine to smile at.

I don't understand the sociopathy that he has,

a fleshy relationship, a butcher

panting while I'm watching the ceiling, blinking and wincing the night away.

I rarely get sick, but my stomach turns a certain way

with every "don't tell anyone".

Why do I look so much like him?

Stretching out of bed isn't the same,

and neither is the silver of my walled enemy.

There's no swan song like there was supposed to be.

Your hands are cold too, I know,

but mine are more important.

I don't matter either.

I laughed when you spilled your drink on me,

it's cute, I thought. I'ts cute.

Why would you try to finish a mile with no feet,

when you don't even like running?

Why would you do anything he asks you?

Why would you wear that black lace

when the shoulders itch and tear at you?

Why are you still doing it?

Tip-toeing doesn't conceal me any better than it would if I had been shouting at the top of my lungs. 

Author's Note

Everything I've been thinking about during my first week of pre-college

Reviews

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

this poem is so beautifully penned I think you are a brilliant writer