Moon

Everywhere where i am going
moon is also with me

I want to play at hide-and-seek
but don't

where ever i go
seen that
moon is laughing to see me

Moon is always at my side
seeing me
caring me
talking with me

i can not hide me from moon

Moon is as my mother
 

Reviews

[CecilA]

Dupur,

I really like your poem. It's intrigue and simile are refreshing.

One thing we have to do is work on the translation. English is a difficult language. If you don't mind, I'd like to intrepret your poem according to what I feel it says.

Everywhere I go
Moon is with me.
I try to play hide and seek
but she won't let me.

Wherever I go
Moon is happy to see me.
I can tell because
she's laughing at me.

Moon is always at my side:
she watches me;
she cares for me;
and she communes with me.

I cannot hide from Moon
and I don't want to
because Moon conforts me.
Moon is just like my mother.

See how this compares with your original written in your native tongue.

This is not criticism; merely a suggestion on how to translate your poem into a very difficult language.

I like the 'hide and seek' relationship you have with Moon. And I never thought of the moon as laughing but now that you brought it to my attention, I can't wait to see if she is going to laugh with me tonight.

I appreciate your sharing this poem with us and the opportunity to review it for you.

[Icelanna]

I agree with this! I love the personification of the moon itself!

[Tex]

yes this is a very constructive review... nicely said

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx all

[s y e]

This was an interesting take on the moon ;)
Well done!

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[s y e]

Welcome

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

For me, this is a study in exopsychology. I would be as, perhaps more, intrigued by the motivation and underlying intent; other than the apparent playfulness and childlike demeanor of the piece. You tease the reader. It's a dangerous gambit when the beginning, middle and end overlap so much. IMO.

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

yw

[Phillitup]

This is an interesting take on the moon. I like the last line because that is what you reflect in this poem but it would unclear without those five words. Nicely and eloquently penned my poetic friend!
Best regards,
Dell

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[Phillitup]

yup

[Leslie Philibert]

I like the way you remove the article from moon, and make it into a proper noun.
Good writing, well done.

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A nice take on this celestial body

[Dupur Mitra]

thnx