Sugar on the Rocks

A friskier mood, perhaps

 

I hear the music and my heart starts to pound,
The urge to get up on the bar, twist my hips,
Slide down to the ground, take a long hard swig,
Run my fingers through my long hair,
Spin around, have you watching me,
And dip down low I go again.

The good little girl, dancing up on bar,
Her mid-drift showing, the swells way up high,
Pants so tight, eyelashes thick and the red lipstick applied,
No one would believe it was me up here, no one knows,
I dance and give them all the best of a show.

The amber liquid going down my throat,
As the bottle slides down my torso,
Hair wild back and forth, arms and legs,
Length is all you see,
As the good little girl is lost to the music.

Reviews

[junaid altaf]

its simply a piece which can just set your mood and momentum right.........
moreover it is excellently formulated!!!!!!!!!!

[Alisha Mark]

I feel like you have a GREAT mission in this piece. But the structure just, horrifies me. It's all cluttered and every word is right on top of one another. The flow is a bit interrupted here: "Run my fingers through my [long] hair" ; "have you watching me" ; "the swells way up high" ; etc. Just random phrases or specific words that don't necessarily feel right with the rest of the flow. If you ever revise, let me know.

[Tomás Ó C..]

Naughty lady!!! lol ;0)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I feel like I'm at Coyote Ugly Right now... now that was a pleasurable tease my friend. Dance as much as you like.

Very sexy piece.

[Kelley Pascoe]

Music makes you wild once in a while don't it(smile) great writing kiddo.
Thanks for sharing.
Kelley Frost