Nana's Girl

A story about losing my nana

I still remember the sweet warmth of your house the way the breeze blew through the tree’s just perfect. The way the sunlight seemed to follow you around. Warmth that has left since you have been gone. Your house felt so empty the day you died, I walked in an hour after they took you and that warmth has disappeared all together, it was that moment I realized how the warmth followed you. You were there through it all, school, dances, first dates, second heartbreaks, and in a flash you were gone. The world seemed to dull the day you died, everything turned grey, bland boring. The life you brought into my life was sucked out the second you took your last breath. It took months to help clean out your house, I cried everyday for almost a year. Now I only cry once a week. I never thought someone as kind and patient as you would be taken in such a cruel way. You took care of us grandkids like we were your own, you made sure Thanksgiving and Christmas  were so special, you hand picked us gifts that you knew we would love. You made everyone promise no fighting on holidays to show us how families are supposed to get along. You showed up everyday of every year and we never wanted for anything and for that I owe you everything. Nana’s the glue of the family, since you have died we haven’t had 1 thanksgiving with everyone. I didn’t realize the amount of pain you were in until I became an adult and now I understand why you tried so hard to make everything so perfect. You were the most encouraging  and loving person I have ever met.I strive everyday to be just like you. I know you are in heaven where you want to be and I am so glad that you are with Jesus. I think about the last visit we had. You looked at me and told me how proud you were of me and all that I had accomplished, you were so happy I was clean and I told you I loved you and would see you soon. Little did I know 5 days later I would see you at your funeral. As I sat at your funeral someone with your hair color and figure walked in I swore it was you, I tried to call out to you only to realize you were in the casket at the front of the church. 4 months later I saw someone who looked and talked just like you and for a second I forgot you were gone. I had a breakdown that day realizing that you were never coming back. Thank you for encouraging me, believing in me and not judging my terrible mistakes. The anger I feel isn’t towards you it is towards me, I am angry it took me as long as it did to get clean and come back around I know you wouldn’t judge me but I was so scared of disappointing you, the last talk we had I told you that and you told me I could never disappoint you. Thank you for making me so strong. Love forever Maddie