Imagining you

Every time I look at you

I see a light 

Warms my heart 

To see you 

When I speak to you

I feel a heat

that warms me inside 

And out 

Wish you could be next to me

From my every day to yours

We could walk side by side

Hand in hand

But that not true

Only wanted me 

For your entertainment

Not for me 

Now when i talk to you 

I feel cold 

From the outside and in

Every time i look at you

I see a darkness

Eating up everything 

in the way

Said you wanted me 

But I didn't want the want you gave me

It was too much for me

Now i say goodbye 

Goodbye to our talks

Goodbye to us 

Goodbye to…. you

Reviews

[Jimmy Crapped Corn]

Strong writing you definitely should keep it up

[Thomas W Case]

Beautiful work, Marie. I can see that you feel deeply. Keep going.

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you, Thomas. Means a lot

[Michael Sun Bear]

Nicely written Marie. Please keep writing, I will keep reading. Like me you may choose to write for life, if only for a hobby. If I may make a kind suggestion: once you have a complete draft of a poem written, edit yourself. Go back through, try to substitute less common, even uncommon words for common words. Ask yourself, can I say this in a more interesting way. I feel cold could become I turn to frost, since you used the word feel maybe stick with it all the way through. Repetition can be very effective. Perhaps Every time I look at you I feel only darkness. Your last three lines are perfect, including the pause before you. I love how you ended the poem. Writers, particularly young writers, can be very thin skinned. I still am and I’m an old man. PLEASE know, if I feel someone is just plain bad at writing, I won’t review them at all. I want to encourage you.

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you so much for your feedback, it means a lot to me. I try on my poems