the After

(I'm trying something different)

Jacob:

Running, we are running.

Trees crashing into my face and I feel Alex's hand slipping out of my grasp.

I stop to catch my breath, hands on my knees.

Once I calmed down, I turned to Alex to see if she was okay. She's standing with the light shining through the forest trees.

Alex is shaking, what should I do. She's hurt from the fight and

Okay calm down Jacob. Think, you need to cover up her eye.

He looks down at his shirt and rips a piece off.

Walking over to Alex he says,

"Alex, let me see your face."

Lifting her chin, he starts to wipe her face and around her eye.

She flinched back from the touch.

"Jacob, that hurts, stop."

"I know Alex, but I need to wipe it. We need to cover it so let's get back to the RV."

We start walking back to the RV.

So when we got back, I ran to get the first aid kit.

"Alex, go sit on the couch while I get the kit."

I found the kit in the cabinet and jogged back over to Alex.

Gently I start to clean her eye and wrap it.

Reviews

[Eliza1066]

This is a good start to this chapter as it's now written from Jacob the Wolf's point of view. I like that. I've just finished a book where the author did that, and it worked really well, and she did what you've done and written it in the first person. That's something I'm not very good at! But you've almost mastered it where you wrote (talking to yourself) "Okay calm down Jacob. Think, you need to cover up her eye." Then you change to third person but it's better if you can keep it in first ' e.g. I look down at my shirt and rip a piece off. Walking over to Alex I say "Alex, let me see your face." I lift her chin and start to wipe her face and around her eye.

You've mastered the rest of the 'first person' really well after that. With work, this would make a good story - your young siblings will soon tell you if you read it to them! Well done.

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you. I was trying something different after asking a friend and so I wrote it in first person. Great review, it was very helpful