The Troubles

Mentions self harm, wanting to die

I wake up dreading the day, not wanting to face the troubles. Knowing that the day is going to push me down and tear me apart. My teenage years are beating the crap  out of me and I just let it happen at this point. Trying to do my best with school, friends, my relationships. Just not to do great in them or for them to fall apart. Getting told you're a failure or you're not good enough for them. Your parents call you a disappointment. So I turn inward, stop talking at home, don't pitch ideas at the table, fall behind, and lag in conversations. I take the inner part of my thigh to make the tiniest of marks so no one sees and cries myself to sleep knowing that I'm not good enough for others. Sit in the bathroom, scratching at my arms, leaving marks that will fade by the end of the day, wear long sleeves so my sister doesn't see. I get told I'm dramatic every time I cry or show a single emotion. My teenage years are full of dread and pain, secretly hiding it all inside looking cheerful and happy on the outside. Try to be normal, haven't turned to drugs or vaping not wanting it to be a last resort.  My friends might think everything is okay but in reality its not. I want to end it all but I know it would hurt those around me so I stay silent not wanting to say anything about it at all. My teenage years have been s**t and I'm only sixteen. All these troubles and no one to tell. 

Reviews

[QuietOptimism]

You're definitely not alone on this. I think teenage years are sort of confusing and terrible by design at times. Not to say all the things you're going through are expected and normal, but at least the experience is one that is known by others. I don't know if that's a comfort to you or not, but maybe it just means some of your friends might be more understanding about it than you think. And yeah, probably don't turn to drugs. I wouldn't know it first-hand, but I've seen other people I know turn to them for help when they weren't doing well mentally and it just isn't safe. If you find the capacity, try making good experiences with things that make you happy and people that give you joy.
I like the writing. It's not very common to see new stuff on this website, and even less to find someone who is closer to my age bracket on here.

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you that means a lot to me. I have started to get some help with this feeling but have been struggling to talk to my family about it

[QuietOptimism]

I hope that works out for you :)

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you it means a lot

[ARSH]

Hey, we’re the same, and coincidentally I love crocheting and writing too. From one 16-year-old to another, we can hope that things get better, and I’m sure they will for you. And please trust me crocheting is a much better addiction than drugs or vapes. Those are like a black hole, always pulling you in deeper and deeper.
I know it is hard sometimes but hang on i am sure good days are soon to come

[Marie Kinnett]

Hi thank you. Crocheting is a lot of fun, glad someone else likes it too. All we can do is hope

[c4ssiopeia]

i am not much older than you, only 19 (almost 20 though! yay), but believe me when i say: it gets so much better after sixteen. and after seventeen. the fact that these are the worst years of your life might sound awful, but when you pass through them, it's like a boulder falls off your shoulders. you are a beautiful, beautiful person. you're only sixteen. there's still time.

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you, I wish to believe that it gets better with time. Also happy early b-day

[KItsuko Dragonstar]

we may not know each other and may just be strangers that like to read works, but i have no doubt in my heart. your someone truly brave and amazing. I really like this piece of art because I used to be in the same place, and I truly believe if you fine someone to drag you or pushing yourself into the light. YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF IN A NEW WORLD. please stay well and be safe.
sincerely
-Kitsuko Dragonstar

[Marie Kinnett]

Thank you, that means a lot. I'm trying really hard right now to help me and tell someone that I need help