Dear U 11

Dear U.
How strange it is. To write like this. Not expecting a response, but never stop hoping as well. The hope gives way to disappointment, then bounces back to hope. A roller-coaster of emotions which probably isn't good for me. I guess in a way I'm a masochist. But I rather hurt myself than anyone else. I know you aren't reading this and that you probably never will. I just hope that if you do, you would know it was for you. Again, maybe that is just selfish of me. I guess I am. I mean, I don't seem to care what you think at all. Just keep feeling sorry for myself. What would I do if you were here. I wish I could say I would care about every little word you said. But truth is, I probably would forget. Be buisy. Half listen. Be a horrible person overall. I don't know. I want to be perfect. I want to care. But it is so hard to be super focused all the time. No matter how much I would love you. I wish I knew how you felt. What you thought. How you said things. I wish I had you here.
Sweet dreams dear U...