Stare

There’s a girl over there with her fist clenched 

And boys by the bins who stare until 

She drops her gaze and turns away. 

I’m standing here watching and waiting 

Struggling to breathe 'cos I hate it 

But it won’t stop until I turn and leave and don’t stay. 

Everything’s watching, everyone’s gazing 

Looking for me while I duck 

Hiding from what they might say. 

A glint in the sun, a twinkle in her eye 

That’s it, I know I can’t disguise anymore 

So I’ll leave because it’s obvious I really can’t stay.

Author's Note

Please give me any feedback you have at all, and what do you think of the style?

Reviews

[Andrew M Parker]

I absolutely love the style and this is the only piece of yours I've read so far, but I'm sure I will adore your work. I liked the very last line, when you repeat the word 'stay' for rhyme.
"...because it's obvious I really can't stay."
It's amazing.
And I really did love the whole poem, I can't pick out a single line I might like over another, the whole thing is just wonderful.

[Molly K]

Thank you so much! I was worried about the repetition for the rhyme, but I'm glad you like it.

[Andrew M Parker]

Nothing to worry about :) You're welcome, anytime. - A

[matrixmark]

This piece reminded me of my school years. The words flowed nicely and was easy to follow.

The boys by the bins bit - that I can definately resonate with.
Thank you for bringing back a time of yesteryear.

[Molly K]

I'm glad you liked being taken back to the past, thank you.