'Sog-Flakes'--A fake advertisement

A time-saving breakfast cereal!

“Sog-Flakes”

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     “Hello, Captain Toast here, to tell you about ‘Sog-Flakes’, the new pre-sogged breakfast cereal from the same breakfast food company that brought you ‘Pre-Blackened Bacon’, the Magnesium Corporation.  We’ve taken the guess work out of breakfast cereals!  No more wondering about how long your breakfast cereal will stay crisp in milk; because our cereal never was crisp!  You’re left with no more guess work, and pure slurping enjoyment!  And now, The Magnesium Corporation is proud to announce ‘Captain Toast’, the new cereal for children, with all the limpness of ‘Sog-Flakes’, but with the added processed sugar and cartoon drawing that kids love, hence me, Captain Toast!  I’ll be standing right next to a colorful picture of a bowl of ‘Captain Toast’, with a non-obese, smiling kid, playing with the plastic hunk of cheap s**t that comes in every box of 'Captain Toast’.  So, come on, go limp today!”