"Hope You Kept the Receipt!"

By Mike Stevens

 Smiling Toy Shop Story # 8

 

     Jasper hoped he was ready for the screaming hordes of sawed-off little b******s about to descend like a plague of human locusts on the Smiling Toy Shop for the beginning of yet-another day.  Mr. Vesta was limping towards the front door; about to unlock it, and unleashing today’s crop of losers on the unsuspecting toys lining the shelves.  This is bullshit, he thought. 

 

 

     It was five to 5.  He’d almost made it, and he still had all 4 limbs.  S**t, 5 more minutes to piece and quiet, at least until tomorrow.  He had almost let down his guard, when the bell above the door jingled, and as he watched, A sort-of familiar face walked in, holding a teddy bear. What’s the deal now?  We just got rid of that total b*****d Denbo yesterday, and now he’s back?  thought Jasper.

 

     “Can I help you sir?” asked Mr. Vesta.

 

     “Yes, my name is Tarwavian, and I hope so.  My son wanted this teddy bear, but he’s changed his mind and we’d like to exchange it for, for, one of those rubber balls you have over there in that basket.”

 

     Ordinarily, an exchange would be out of the question, but Mr. Vesta was of the opinion that the customer is always right, and he didn’t want to do anything to upset them, so he asked,

 

     “I hope there’s not a problem with the bear, sir?”

 

     “Oh no, it’s just that my son has decided he’d really like a rubber ball, instead.”

 

     “Very well, sir; here you go,” replied Mr. Vesta amicably and handed a rubber ball to the man, who said,

 

     “Thanks mister; and how much do I owe you for the exchange?”

 

     The rubber ball had only cost 5 bucks, while the teddy bear had cost him a little more; he’d bought them in bulk, but always sensing a opportunity to build customer loyalty, Mr. Vesta replied,

 

     “Oh, don’t worry about it; just remember the Smiling Toy Shop at Christmas and birthdays.”

 

     No, you crazy old b*****d; ream the s**t-head good! thought Jasper, but it was already too late, for the man was out the door, and Mr. Vesta glanced at the clock on the wall, locked the door, and set the teddy bear back up next to Jasper on the shelf on aisle 3. 

 

 

     Mr. Tarwavian made a hasty retreat down Main Street.  He didn’t want the owner to have even the chance of changing his mind, for he’d never seen anything like it.  His son was even now lying on his bed, devastated.   They’d gotten home okay after buying the teddy bear, but that’s when the weirdness began.  His son had taken the teddy bear upstairs to his room, and had been up there for probably 20 minutes, when Mr. Tarwavian had looked up to see his son, coming down the stairs crying, and looking very much upset. 

 

     “Henry, what’s the matter?”

 

     “Nothing, Dad,” replied Henry, the waver in his voice giving lie to that statement. 

 

     “Son what’s wrong?”

 

     Then Henry had broken down completely, sobbing, “It’s my new teddy bear, he called me a goiter.”

 

     “Now Henry, your imagination’s to blame.  Teddy bear’s don’t speak.”

 

     “No Dad, this one did.  He also said that he’d never seen a boy as dog-style ugly as me.”

 

     “Oh, Henry, come on, I’ll show you that it was only your imagination,” and he started up the stairs to Henry’s room. 

 

     “No, Dad!” Henry said, but he followed meekly, wiping tears from his eyes.  Maybe he’d fallen asleep somehow, and just dreamed the whole thing.  Sure, that must be it.

  

 

  Imagine, a talking teddy bear.  That’s some fantasy life my boy has, thought Mr. Tarwavian, as he walked into Henry’s room.  The new teddy bear was sitting on the bed, where Henry must have fallen asleep and dreamed the entire episode.  He picked up the teddy bear, turned to Henry, standing just behind him, and said,

 

     “See Henry, this bear isn’t talking to you; he’s not even alive; you’re just being silly.”

 

     “You’re so f*****g wrong, there, Pops.  Now I can see where Junior gets his stupidity.”

 

     Mr. Tarwavian did a double take, and dropped Denbo like a hot rock.  I could have sworn the bear just talked to me, but that’s impossible.  No more beer for me! he thought. 

 

     Then he heard Henry whimper and run out of the room.  The talking teddy bear yelled after him,

 

     “I can see The Moron Fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree!”

 

     With Henry’s wailing fading down the stairs, Mr. Tarwavian addressed the talking teddy bear, “Oh come on; teddy bears can’t speak.”

 

     “Well, I seem to be doing a fair job faking it, besides, once I put you to sleep, you won’t recall a damn thing,” and Denbo waved his hand and commanded, “Go to sleep; forget!”  Nothing happened; Mr. Tarwavian was still not only awake, but staring open-mouthed at him.  He tried again, with the same result.  Next thing he knew, he was grabbed roughly around the neck, and was marched out to the family car. 

 

     “I’m not dealing with you anymore; I’m taking you back to whatever part of Hell you came from.”  

    

 

     Jasper sat there in silence, wishing there was some way for him to get away from the b*****d bear that he had thought was gone for good, until Denbo piped up with,

 

     “Aint ya happy to see me governor?”

 

     Jasper seriously thought about flinging himself off the shelf, but the floor was such a long way to drop!

 

     “Why me?  Why didn’t you just mumbo-jumbo their asses, and they’d have no memory of talking to you?”

 

     “Believe me, I tried mumbo-jumbo, as you call it, but it didn’t work, and here I am.”

 

     Wonderful!

 

The End